Reducing Conflict 30 Spread the Joy

March 6, 2022

When you spread joy to other people, it comes back to you in multiple ways. It is a law of nature: like gravity. This series of articles has been about how to reduce conflict in your life.

You are in Control of Your Life

Take the opportunity to improve your relationships at work and at home. The quality of your life is not a random variable.  It has to do with what is going on between your ears. Constantly tend to the needs of other people and provide service where you can.  You will find that the joy you bring to others creates a kind of reciprocal joy within yourself.

Manufacture Joy

By following the advice in this series of articles, you will experience lower conflict in your own life, and that is the best way to manufacture joy.  To be helpful, I am including an index of the 30 articles in this series along with links to the short video for each one.  You can scan the titles to review the articles and videos you find most helpful.

My intention is to continue this series of articles, although the attached video series is now complete.  It was originally a series of short videos that I completed six years ago in cooperation with the Avanoo Company.

  1. Why Can’t We Just Get Along https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz8Z1PF7xEg
  2. The Wisdom of Many Views https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIwHvfTDuKE
  3. Too Much Team Spirit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH5kJ8EKqPM
  4. Bad Politics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMba0W1Z-Uw
  5. The Power of Flights https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QETek1SjPA
  6. Double Sided Labels https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90J7ZSb4sxc
  7. The Root of All Conflict https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7PTp1aSB6g
  8. What They Have to Fix https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctKB0Uiv094
  9. Your Attitude https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3eMEyJd2wU
  10. Retrain Your Brain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJMoUMmDEug
  11. Building in Lag Time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DChwrf9hXwI
  12. Return to Center https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg2nRhnvIMg
  13. Fussy People https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA3cPLC6g9w
  14. Shrinking Bullies https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bq1YOuXkP64
  15. Coaching the Narcissist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzHNG-N1CGM
  16. Lighting People Up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FPOFxVaxTc
  17. Get a Word in Edgewise https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X–gb3lDAa0
  18. Reverse Roles https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQjWLy_0l48
  19. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh1993Zv6-M
  20. Live and Let Live https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDgKFItJIlk
  21. Take a Mental Vacation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikYxbqQmNSs
  22. Care for Other People https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xW0SQ8xE598
  23. Extend More Trust https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cIw_lY58QM
  24. Don’t Talk Behind Backs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KMDPoTg0y8
  25. Stop Acting Like Children https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJMZ8TuperA
  26. Listen More Than Speak https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBPbfFReicw
  27. Create Development Plan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rno1aGBrJq0
  28. Write Your Own Eulogy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JJrD6zvWFQ
  29. Follow the Golden Rule https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G02XJ1WXmmQ
  30. Spread the Joy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f32WK3BdIE

I hope you have enjoyed this content and will refer to it often to keep it fresh in your mind.

Free Video

Here is a 3-minute video that contains more information on how to Spread the Joy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f32WK3BdIE

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of four books: 1.The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals (2003), 2. Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online (2006), 3. Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind (2009), and 4. Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change (2014). In addition, he has authored over 1000 articles and videos on various topics in leadership and trust. Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations.


Body Language 45 Children

September 13, 2019

The study of body language would not be complete without drawing specific attention to the amazing movements of children.

As we mature, human beings pick up all kinds of norms and inhibitions. We no longer exhibit the reckless freedom expressed by young children. Most of that restraint is brought about by adults who teach us to “fit in” and not be wild.

The cultural differences are one sign that a good portion of body language is learned from elders. Young children do not have caution baked into their movements; they are free to express how they feel at any moment, and really don’t care about being “normal.”

If you ask an adult to mimic the movements of a child, you will see it is nearly impossible to do it. Here are some specific ways children’s body language is unique:

Facial delight and wonder

Kids find it impossible to suppress their glee in their facial expressions. They also have no inhibition for expressing hurt or sorrow.

Adults have learned to partially hide their true feelings most of the time. Still, when conditions are extreme, like in grief, or when winning the lottery, we revert back to wearing our emotions on our faces.

Wiggling

Kids do not stay still. They need to be moving every part of their body in reaction to what is going on around them.

You can witness the erratic and joyful movements of kids when hearing a jig played on the violin for the first time. The upbeat music translates into their movements by instinct, and their facial expressions display sheer delight with no inhibitions.

Arms

Children fling their arms out to the extended position at the drop of a hat. It is just part of expressing their feelings with everything they have. Most adults are more restrained with their arm movements, but there are some exceptions, like Elizabeth Warren.

Legs and feet

Particularly in reaction to upbeat music, kids shuffle their feet wildly and get a lot of movement in their rear end. It is as if the music is emanating directly out of the child. They only stop when the music does or when a parent tells them to knock it off.

Tumbling

Since kids are low to the ground, they have no compunction about rolling around on it or the floor. It doesn’t matter if it is a type of somersault or a primitive form of break dancing, since kids don’t worry about dirt or grass stains, they are free to show emotions by interfacing directly with terra firma whenever they feel like it.

Swimming

Most children love the freedom of swimming or frolicking in the water. The joy comes from the buoyancy of a lower gravitational pull. They act as if they are gliding in space where there is no gravity and they love to discover all kinds of weird positions, much to the alarm of worried parents watching from the side of the pool.

So what is the point of this article? First of all, you can gain a lot by noticing the difference in body language between children and adults. Ask yourself if it would be fun to be as uninhibited as a child, at least in some circumstances.

Don’t mock an adult who occasionally reverts to a childlike movement. Celebrate the person for having the courage and flexibility to enjoy life the way a child does. Also, try to allow your children the freedom to move like kids from time to time without imposing adult rules at every moment.

The significant benefit to you is that you have the ability to regain some of the pure joy of living if you allow yourself become unshackled and practice some childlike body language on occasion.

This is a part in a series of articles on “Body Language.” The entire series can be viewed on https://www.leadergrow.com/articles/categories/35-body-language or on this blog.


Enjoy Your Wiggle

March 2, 2013

Wiggle croppedHow do you feel about being you? Be truthful with yourself, and think about how much you like yourself right this moment. This article, hopefully, will shock you into a different frame of mind relative to your happiness and the quality of your life.

I teach many online courses, and deal with students from all over the world. I recall one interchange between a student living in a frigid part of the USA and another student in Hawaii.

At one point, the student who lived in Detroit was lamenting another dreary day, and he had reached the breaking point. His comment to the student in Hawaii was, “Well, I have to take responsibility for my own misery. After all, I chose not to live in paradise.” I immediately wrote to the complaining student reminding him that “paradise” is a state of mind rather than a state of the Union.

There are numerous things that gauge the level of satisfaction and happiness we milk out of living. This article focuses on one’s perception of self. Most of us are in the middle of a long progression of the days of our lives. It feels like we have been around forever, and we have a long way to go before somebody puts us in a pine box. We live each day reacting to the forces and challenges that hit us. Some days are good, and others are bad.

We are what we are because that is what we have chosen to be. Many people go through life being unhappy with themselves and blaming others or circumstances (like if I only had a smaller nose). We have such a short time on this planet, and it would be smart to be happy with ourselves first and foremost.

Nobody else has to wake up with you and be with you 100% of the time, so if you are not happy with yourself, the quality of your precious life is diminished. Who would be to blame for that? Hmmm…let me think.

My observation of our lives in the grand scheme of the universe and the ages is that human beings are all like little worms. You have to go up only a few miles and look down through a telescope, and you can observe us all wiggling around all over the world as we move through our day.

We show up and wiggle around for a fleeting 80 or so years, and then we are gone. Eighty years in celestial time is hardly a blink. Better make sure you are enjoying your wiggle. Our possessions that we covet, our money that we lust after make very little difference in the end. All that matters is how much of an impact we have managed to have on others, how much love we have generated, and how much we have enjoyed our wiggle.

What are some of the things that contribute to enjoying your wiggle? Here are a few examples. (Note, this list is not exhaustive.)

Making a contribution: We all make contributions, both good and bad. If you have provided one shred of thought that has been recorded and provided value to other people, you have made a contribution. Two shreds counts for double that value, so provide many shreds of value to the advancement of society.

Finding honest love: If we feel deeply in our soul that we have loved the people in our lives, then we go to our grave reflecting on a life well lived. This, of course, includes family, but it also includes heroes, mentors, classmates, pets, friends, grocers, ducks, lamps, books, and any other person or thing that we truly love.

Believing in an Infinite Power: Many people think of this as religion, but it really covers the entire realm of spiritual awareness. I do not know about you, but I really do believe that something is guiding my steps at times, and it is not just me. There have been too many remarkable surprises handed to me in life for me to take credit for thinking them up or for them to be just random coincidences. You can call it what you wish, but there is an Infinite Presence there somehow.

Helping others: Whenever you give of yourself to help another, you feel great about yourself. That effort is a really good wiggle in your daily routine. The help can come in any form, and the only criterion is that at that time you were thinking more about the other person’s situation than your own. The help could be financial, physical, emotional, or even comical.

Making something: To create a thing of beauty, or even ugliness since beauty is subject to interpretation, is a good wiggle. Some people are really good at this, like my father, who painted over 2000 fine watercolor paintings after the age of 55. Some people create great food or fine woodwork. To shape the elements into a new configuration that has never been done is intrinsically rewarding. Most creations are not marketable, but they are physical evidence that we were around and wiggling happily.

Teaching or mentoring: As we seek to impart some of our wisdom onto other people, we give the gift of knowledge. It is a subset of helping others, but this one is special, because we target the help on an individual who benefits from it. For a person with great insight and knowledge to keep it to himself really wastes his wiggle time. I think it is really difficult to mentor from the grave, although some people do believe strongly in doing it or receiving it, which is part of their own wiggle.

Appreciating what you experience: This attitude is all about not being numb to the beauty all around us every day. Seeing the small acts of kindness of one person toward another brings us joy. Marveling at the beauty of a flower, the taste of raspberry Jello, or the Bach B Minor Mass provides deep joy, but only if you are awake and paying attention.

Loving what you do: The ability to look at each day as an adventure into the possible instead of a drudgery of our current agony is what lifts us up. Hope is there when you enjoy your work and your play. There is a choice you make every day as you wiggle through it.

Those are just eight examples from the top of my head of how to make the most out of your 80-year wiggle. Who knows, you might beat the odds and wiggle until you are older than 100, or you might check out in your 20s. You will notice the absence of wealth or possessions on my list, because I think those things dry up and blow away very quickly after we stop wiggling. In the grand scheme of the world and the eons of time, the only thing that really matters is what you did with your opportunity to wiggle, not how big a pile of clutter you were able to generate.