Reducing Conflict 94 Sources of Conflict

May 21, 2023

There are an infinite number of sources of conflict at work. In my leadership classes, I like to highlight the following ten sources.

All ten of these causes are well known, so there is little need to describe them in detail. In some cases, I have suggested a helpful antidote

Communication breakdowns

There can be misunderstandings and miscommunication between coworkers or managers and employees. Lack of adequate communication is often cited as the number one source of frustration for employees. Communicate important messages in multiple ways.

Personality clashes

Different personalities, work styles, and preferences can cause tension and conflict among coworkers. People seem to be preoccupied with “fixing” other people to think like they do. We all wear an “I AM RIGHT” button at times.

Power struggles

Conflicts can arise when individuals or groups compete for power, influence, or resources in the workplace. There is an agenda in most communications between people, and it is often about power.

Workload and responsibilities

Conflicts can arise when one person feels that they are being unfairly burdened with too much work. Since resources are usually spread thin, it is common to have many people feeling abused. “Social loafing” is the practice of goofing off, so others will do more than their share of the work.

Different goals and priorities

Conflicts can arise when different individuals or departments have conflicting goals or priorities. The antidote to this common problem is to ensure the groups are properly aligned.

Organizational changes

Changes in leadership, organizational restructuring, or other major changes in the workplace can create uncertainty and lead to conflicts. Succession issues often surface with extreme conflict between people.

Discrimination and harassment

Conflicts can arise when employees feel that they are being discriminated against or harassed in the workplace. This situation can create a toxic work environment.

Performance issues

Conflicts can arise when one person’s work performance is not meeting expectations. There may be disagreements about what constitutes good performance. Consistent standards for performance can help a lot in this situation.

Resource allocation

Conflicts can arise when there are limited resources, such as budget or staff. Individuals or departments compete for those resources. If you are the supervisor of a group of 12 engineers with only one administrative assistant, watch out.

Personal issues

Personal issues outside of work, such as health problems or family issues, can spill over into the workplace.

Conclusion

We are all familiar with these ten sources of conflict.  We live with them every day. There are hundreds more, but these ten are the most common. Recognize that all of these issues are part of the human condition. Build a culture of affection and trust, and you will see the severity of these problems diminish significantly.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 93 Address Problems Early

May 14, 2023

There are a number of ways to reduce conflict, and an important one is to address problems early.

This article describes how to spot problems early and deal with them before they blow up.

Problems often occur between people and groups, but they also show up in any of the processes we use.  

Some people have a talent for detecting problems when they first show up on the horizon. They have a significant advantage if they deal with the issues promptly and get a resolution. 

Keep an eye out for things that are not working correctly

Monitoring processes, systems, and activities can help identify potential problems before they become more serious. Be alert for small changes that could be forecasts of bigger issues to come. If something has shifted, find out why.

Key performance indicators can detect problems in the early stages

Establishing key performance indicators (KPIs) can help track progress and identify potential problems early on. By setting measurable goals and tracking progress, you can identify areas that need improvement before they grow. One precaution is to make sure your indicators are really measuring the phenomenon you are trying to control.

Feedback and ideas can spot future problems

Encouraging feedback and ideas from customers, employees, or other stakeholders can help identify potential problems early on. This practice can help address issues before they escalate and improve the overall quality of your products or services. Sometimes ideas come in the form of complaints. Remain open to all forms of feedback and do not punish people who complain. Thank them for the tip.

Risk assessment

Conducting risk assessments can help identify potential problems and their likelihood of occurring. By identifying potential risks, you can take steps to mitigate them and prevent them from becoming bigger problems. Reinforce people who point out risks as potential problems.

Conclusions

Spotting problems early requires a proactive approach that involves regularly measuring and analyzing activities to identify potential issues. By identifying and addressing issues early, you can prevent them from becoming bigger problems with more significant impacts.

The other piece of advice is to not let problems grow before your eyes. Make sure to deal with the root cause of problems and don’t just try to reduce the symptoms. Sometimes it takes a bit of digging to get to the root cause.  One technique that is helpful is to ask “why” five times.

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 92 Apologize

May 7, 2023

One underused technique for dealing with conflict is to apologize. When you apologize it sends many different signals, as I will explain here.  Of course, it is not ALWAYS good to apologize. We will explore the implications of when to use this method as well as when to avoid it.

There are several obvious reasons why an apology might be appropriate. Let’s deal with these ideas first.

Apologize when you have made a mistake

If the conflict stems from something you did that was wrong, clearly you need to apologize.  It may take some analysis and dialog to determine if you actually caused the conflict, so you need to keep an open mind.

It is often difficult to see or appreciate when you have made a blunder. Stay humble and search diligently for the truth. Listen well to what the other party is telling you, and do not reject these ideas out of hand. You might get a third perspective before deciding what the true issue is and how to address it.

Apologize when your words or actions have hurt someone

It is pretty obvious that where there is conflict there is going to be some damage.  Look for body language signals that indicate someone is hurt. Listen to what they say and also how they say it for information.

If you determine that you did hurt someone, even if it was unintentional, you should apologize to that person. Acknowledge the impact of your words or actions and express your regret.

Apologize when you have contributed to the ongoing conflict

It is difficult sometimes to see how your actions or words have contributed to a conflict. You need to search your soul and ask if you might have prevented the conflict from occurring. If you had acted differently, could the problem have been avoided?

In this instance, getting a third opinion about the root cause of the conflict can be particularly helpful. You need to take responsibility for your contribution to the problem. Doing this will soften up the stance of the other party and they may admit partial fault as well.  If you can establish mutual culpability, then you are well on your way to a resolution. Showing empathy and care for the other person will be helpful in closing the gap in understanding.

Seek out a different path to resolution

When individuals or groups are in conflict, they normally try to establish who is right and who is wrong. That attitude polarizes all conversations and thwarts any attempt to make a real resolution. One trick here is to state clearly areas where you already agree. Start with a list of things you see the same way. Build on that list, and it will reduce the times when you are polarized.

Offer concessions or other positive steps where you can. The more you can soften your own stance, the more cooperative the other party will become.

Show value in the relationship

Use kindness and soothing language as you state your desire for a peaceful resolution to conflict. If the relationship is important to you, it is worth apologizing even if you do not feel fully responsible.

You can rebuild the relationship and move past the conflict if you use the technique of apologizing wisely.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 91 Use Humor

April 30, 2023

Using humor can be an effective way to reduce conflict in several ways.  First, it is imperative to remember that there is a time and place for humor. If it is done poorly or in bad taste it can do a lot of additional damage. 

You must use judgment for how and when to use humor. Avoid humor that is at the expense of another person or group. Also, avoid humor that is in poor taste.

Keeping precautions in mind, let’s discuss some of the ways humor can help alleviate the conflict between people and groups.

Humor diffuses tension

Using humor can help diffuse tension and lighten the mood. This aspect can be especially helpful in emotionally charged situations. Humor can take some of the intensity out of the dialog. The result will help people see things from a more relaxed and less adversarial perspective.

It promotes empathy if done well

Humor can help make the other person feel heard and understood. By using humor in a non-threatening way, it demonstrates listening and trying to connect on a personal level. When using reflective listening, often the humor can be packaged in the brief reflections.

Encourages perspective taking

Humor can encourage people to take perspective by helping them see things from a different angle. Introducing humor can open up possibilities for how the situation can be resolved.  It encourages creative thinking in problem-solving.

Creates Common Ground

Humor creates a shared experience between people. It can help create a sense of common ground. Finding something that everyone can laugh about helps build rapport. It can enable a greater sense of teamwork.

Humor reduces defensiveness

It can put people at ease and make it easier for people to actually hear each other. By injecting some zest into the conversation, it lightens the load on everyone.

Remember the caveats

Inappropriate or hurtful humor can do more harm than good.  You need to understand the situation and the people involved to use humor to your advantage.  Do not assume all people have the same sensitivities. Stay away from sensitive areas or polarizing concepts. Be alert for body language signals to ensure you are not offending anyone with your humor.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 90 Avoid Using Absolutes

April 23, 2023

You will experience less conflict if you avoid using absolutes when addressing people. Absolutes are terminal words like “never,” “always,” or “none.”  In this article, I will describe the implications when you use absolutes.   I also will suggest some alternative phrases that are less dangerous. There is a choice of how you phrase things.

Avoid using absolutes to maintain credibility

When you use an absolute to describe a situation, it often ends up a challenge to credibility. Let me use an example to show the impact.  Suppose a supervisor is tired of asking an employee to clean up his workstation.  He says to the employee, “Mike, you never leave your workplace clean and tidy.”  The word “never” is an absolute that sets up a kind of loop in the mind of the employee.

After thinking about it for a second, the employee fires back. “Oh yeah? Last Friday I cleaned up my entire area and helped Frank clean up his bench.” The supervisor is proven wrong because of how he worded the challenge.  If he had avoided the absolute, he would not have been caught.  Try using, “Mike, I wish you would take the time to clean up your area more often.”

Absolutes imply a challenge

The use of absolutes to describe a situation focuses energy on the wrong thing.  The person on the receiving end spends more energy proving the other person wrong than correcting the problem. Eliminating the absolute will allow most of the energy to go into a solution. Let’s look at another example.

Be accountable

Your coworker says, “You were supposed to bring snacks for the group, but there are none.”  You open a drawer and pull out an old bag of chips left over from last week. The coworker used an absolute (none), so you had the chance to prove him wrong. In fact, there were “some” snacks, just not enough for the entire group.

Your coworker fell into the trap of using an absolute. A better way to focus attention on the real issue is for the coworker to say this: “I don’t see many snacks for the group here. Did you forget it was your turn to bring them?”

Avoiding absolutes works to maintain trust

When you use absolutes with someone, it lowers trust because you appear to be judging the person. The other person can feel harassed and persecuted. The person may feel the urge to defend himself, which works against a culture of trust.

Why avoiding using absolutes works

All of the examples above show how absolutes can trap you in a direction you don’t want to go. By using more moderate speech, you reduce the potential for a snarky response. This principle applies no matter how critical the situation is.  If the error is about a security issue or a safety protocol, you may prevent a dangerous situation.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 89 Care

April 16, 2023

In my leadership program, I do a segment on reducing conflict where care takes center stage. My program lists a dozen actions that can reduce conflict. The most important one is to show that you care for the other person. 

In this article, I will share why care is such an important concept. I will offer some tips on how to be effective at showing care.

You are not going to have a conflict if there is mutual care between the parties.  There are numerous obvious ways to show care (see below for examples). The real deal goes beyond those things.

Here are some mechanical things to think about to prevent a condition of conflict.

  1.  Listen actively. Show that you care about your coworker by being an active listener. Pay attention to what they say,   ask questions, and show empathy.
  2. Show gratitude. Express your appreciation for the work that your coworker does. This can be as simple as saying thank you or giving them a compliment.
  3. Check-in regularly. Regularly check in with your coworker to see how they are doing. This could be through a quick chat, email or messaging them, or a coffee or lunch break.
  4. Offer help. Offer your assistance to your coworker when they are struggling with a task or project. This could be as simple as offering to proofread a document or help with a presentation.
  5. Celebrate their achievements. Congratulate your coworker on their achievements and celebrate their successes. This could be as simple as giving them a high five or writing a congratulatory note.
  6. Respect their boundaries. Respect your coworker’s boundaries and personal space. Avoid invading their privacy and be mindful of their time.
  7. Show interest in their life. Get to know your coworker beyond work-related topics. Ask about their hobbies, family, and interests.
  8. Give constructive feedback. Provide your coworker with constructive feedback that can help them improve their work. Be respectful and tactful when giving feedback.
  9. Offer to cover for them. Offer to cover for your coworker when they need time off.
  10. Be kind and understanding. Show kindness and understanding to your coworker in all situations. Treat them with respect and empathy, and be a good listener when they need someone to talk to.

That is a very good list of tangible things you can do to show care. I think it misses some profoundly important concepts. Here are a couple of additional things to think about.

Show care with your body language.

Care is not something like a mask you put on to get a particular reaction. You show that you care by thousands of silent cues that indicate what is going on in your heart. Your facial expression shows how much you care.  It also shows in other ways you configure your body in relation to the other person. Avoid clenched fists and keep your hands open.

Be the kind of person you would want for a friend.

In all your interfaces be gracious and kind.  If you are giving specific feedback, keep a sharp eye on the body language of the other person along the way. They will tell you if your coaching is appreciated or hurtful.

Conclusion

Showing you care for another person is the best way to avoid an atmosphere of conflict.  Follow the tips and hints above to create that kind of relationship.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 88 Follow Up

April 9, 2023

When there is an episode of conflict, it is smart to follow up on the resolution. This article describes why the follow-up is helpful and offers some tips on how to do it well.

I will discuss the role of follow-up in both kinds of conflict. The first kind is where there is a resolution and the second kind is where there is ongoing conflict.

There is no rule book on how to do this closure process. Each case needs to be considered a separate analysis.

Most conflict situations have a resolution, so follow-up helps

In this case, the parties have been able to settle their differences. They return to a more normal or balanced relationship. It is a good idea to document the agreements so there are no lingering misunderstandings.  A good practice to do this involves both parties stating their understanding of the resolution.

If there is still a difference of opinion, that fact will become evident quickly.  Having the lingering issue clarified by both parties gives an opportunity for some creative thinking. Work to create a new compromise and document that one.  Keep working on the issue until both parties agree on the solution.

Follow up when the conflict is ongoing

In this situation, the parties cannot reach a settlement. Having each side state their case allows for full disclosure of the issues.  It also provides the opportunity to do a reverse role play.  Sometimes taking the opposite side of an argument provides new insights. That process could lead to enough progress to state a compromise solution.

Having all the issues out on the table also allows the parties to agree to disagree.  The individuals do not need to be enemies forever. They can coexist and work well together even though they do not agree on every point.   

Be alert for backsliding

Sometimes parties will agree to a compromise position just to reduce the rancor or satisfy management. In that case, watch for a retrenching of the conflict rising up in the future.  You had some indication of progress, but it was short lived.

There were good intentions, but the follow-up was missing.

Changing conditions can rekindle the conflict

If people have had conflict in the past, they are susceptible to more in the future as conditions change. Even though the specific trigger is different, the old wounds are easily reopened. Be especially observant after a conflict is resolved that the compromise has become habitual.

Conclusion

Conflict is a natural part of the human condition.  It is always a good idea to follow up after the conflict is over to ensure the cure is sustained.

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive w

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 87 Create a Development Plan

April 2, 2023

How can creating your own development plan help to reduce conflict in your life? It sounds like a weird juxtaposition of concepts.  I will discuss the wisdom of the approach in this article.

The idea is to rise above the rancor. Change your outlook so you reduce the negative mental activity on the part of both people.

Knitting a development plan into the context of reducing conflict

I am not talking about taking courses on how to “win friends and influence people” here. Clearly, by becoming a more charming personality you would find fewer challenges with others. I am thinking about changing your outlook when you have a basic disagreement with another person.

Take a step back

Think about what is going on when you are in conflict. You and the other person see two paths forward that are not the same.  The other person is trying to get you to see the wisdom of their views and you are doing the opposite. You are both doing a lot of shouting and not much deep listening.

Within the acrimony, you each have the desire to reach in and change the mindset of the other person. Your focus might be on how you can “fix” the other person to see the issue your way. You truly believe your solution is the best one.

Change your focus

A stronger focus on the schism between you and the other person will cause the divide to become deeper. The rancor escalates naturally because you become frustrated that the other person is not budging from their stance. For the other person, the frustration is likely just as intense.

You find yourself thinking about how to make the other person change. That pattern is a natural progression.  Suppose you are thinking about the problem and a new way to force the other person to change. That mindset means that you will be consumed with thoughts of how to back your opponent into a corner. The angst will continue to escalate because it is the same old story, only now more intense.

Take an alternate approach

Try changing your self-talk. Consider how you can show up differently for the other person.  Think of various options for how you can change.  Your language and mindset will change to be more inviting for the other person.

First of all, you are no longer projecting yourself as a perfect person who has all the answers. You recognize that the only person you can really change is yourself. Be willing to try a completely different tack. In doing so, you will listen more and talk less so you hear the other person’s points better.

The other person recognizes and appreciates your change in body language. As the tension eases, you consider ways to soften your stance. You start thinking about compromise ideas and get creative with potential solutions. The other person might even engage in some brainstorming ideas about a resolution.

Try reversing roles

Once some reasonable level of discussion is going on, you might suggest reversing roles.  In that concept, you try to verbalize the other person’s points and they try to articulate yours.

Be careful not to suggest reversing roles before establishing some helpful rapport.  You can get caught where the other person does a double reverse, and you will be worse off. I have seen that happen, and it is game over!

Agree to disagree

Another resolution might be that you both agree to disagree. You can still have a healthy relationship even if you do not have a total agreement. Just find peace within the situation on your own.

Share your development plan

You can share your development plan with the other person once you are beyond the shouting stage.  For example, you might say, “This week I have been focusing on being less judgmental. Have you noticed a change?” You are making progress when the other person sees the shift from being “fixed” to helping you fix yourself.

Conclusion

When you are in conflict with another person, recognize that you believe you are right.  The other person is equally convinced that they are right. To make progress, you need to shift your thinking patterns. Become part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 86 Intentional Conflict

March 26, 2023

Intentional conflict is rare but deadly in an organization. You do not see this very often because in most organizations people are at least trying to get along. I believe that people working in close proximity have a remarkable ability to drive each other crazy. 

Intentional conflict is a different animal

Intentional conflict is caused when one person tries to get under the skin of another individual. The root cause of the angst can be any number of different factors, but the results are the same. There is a constant bombardment of annoying actions by one person with the purpose of riling up the opponent.

Conventional conflict reduction techniques, such as a mediator or teambuilding are less effective in this situation. You need to change the corrective approach to have any hope of resolution. You must start further back.

Start with why there is intentional conflict

Recognize that the person is going against human nature. People instinctively know that getting along with their peers leads to a happier life for them.  There must be a reason for acrimony beyond the normal give and take. Do some analysis and ask why this person would go out of his way to be mean constantly. 

Stopping intentional conflict requires addressing the root causes of the conflict and implementing effective communication strategies. Here are some steps you can take to stop intentional conflict:

  1. Try to identify the root causes. Determine the underlying causes of the conflict by actively listening to each party and gathering information about the situation. It could reflect jealousy, revenge, extreme bias, fear, systemic hatred, or a number of other factors.
  2. Promote effective communication. Encourage open and honest communication between the parties involved. It helps to clarify misunderstandings and reduce tension.
  3. Encourage compromise. Help the parties to find common ground and identify areas where they can compromise. Finding areas of agreement helps to reduce tensions and leads to a resolution.
  4. Use a mediator. If the conflict is particularly difficult to resolve, consider using a mediator to help facilitate the negotiation process.
  5. Promote positive relationships. Encourage positive relationships between the parties involved in the conflict. Finding peace helps to build trust and reduce the likelihood of future conflicts.
  6. Address underlying issues. Address any underlying issues that may be contributing to the conflict. Power imbalances, discrimination, external conditions, or cultural differences can cause the problem.

Remember that stopping intentional conflict takes time, patience, and a willingness to listen and understand different perspectives. It may also require the involvement of trained professionals such as mediators, conflict resolution specialists, or mental health professionals.

Start small

If you are facing this condition in your group, recognize that you have a major problem.  In most situations, people are willing to at least listen to the issues and work toward solutions. With this condition, you are dealing with a person who is sick and needs help. You are not going to cure stage-four cancer with an aspirin.

Get some professional help and look for tiny clues relative to the history of this problem. You want to uncover the genesis of such a negative attitude toward another person. It could be a long-gone incident that colored the relationship.  It could also be a stereotypical attitude from the person’s upbringing.

For example, suppose your mother was murdered by a person of a particular nationality. That situation might make it impossible for you to accept another person from that country.

Worst comes to worst, cut the cord

If all the above steps do not lead to a better situation, then you need an analysis. Is keeping this disruptive person on the team a wise decision? Recognize there are some bad apples in this world and take decisive action.

Conclusion

Resolving a case of intentional conflict is a daunting task. Do not ignore the problem hoping it will go away.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

 

 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

Reducing Conflict 85 Cordial Hypocrisy

March 19, 2023

One factor that causes a lot of conflict in this world is the concept of cordial hypocrisy. That term may not be familiar to you, so let me explain.  Some people come across as two-faced. They are all smiles and compliments when a person is present.  When the person goes away, they turn sinister and spout out all kinds of negative things.

There are varying degrees of cordial hypocrisy, but they all tend to undermine a culture of trust. They lead to hard feelings and conflict within groups. How can you eliminate this type of hurtful behavior in your organization?

Steps you can take to exterminate cordial hypocrisy

It is important to have a documented set of behaviors that everyone in the group has approved.  Take time with your team and brainstorm a list of behaviors that are important to model.  Make sure everyone in the group participates in the brainstorm.

Distill a list of six to ten key behaviors that have buy-in from the entire team. Make the list visible and ask everyone to commit to these behaviors. Some groups like to go to the extreme where people actually sign the document.

A good book on reducing cordial hypocrisy

Authors Seth Silver and Timothy Franz have written on this topic. In their book, Meaningful Partnership at Work, they describe how to construct a “Workplace Covenant.” The Covenant is an agreement among the team and the leader. It is the basis for reducing cordial hypocrisy and other bad habits. The book describes a tested process for improving accountability in any organization.

Why the technique works

The practice of documenting expected behaviors gives a template for people to hold each other accountable.  If someone slips and starts to display cordial hypocrisy, there is a cure. Someone else can gently remind that person that “we are not doing that anymore.” Since everyone in the group has already agreed upon the behavior, the problem is quickly squashed.

One precaution

If your team has gone to the trouble of constructing a set of expected behaviors, you must enforce them, or they will fade quickly. Have frequent reminders in group meetings and reinforce those who call out violations.  Doing this will ensure the rules have staying power and will be useful for the future. 

Remember to add the expected behavior list to the onboarding process for new employees. You may want to have a new employee sign the behavior list to ensure understanding.

What if someone ignores the rules?

At first, there may be some testing of whether the rules are really enforced by the group. It is essential that everyone shares unanimity with enforcement. If someone is allowed to ignore one of the behaviors without a consequence, you must fix that quickly.

Summary

You can control the practice of cordial hypocrisy and other negative habits by creating a charter of behaviors. Enforce these behaviors or they will lose their impact over time.

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

 

 

Leave a Comment » | Reducing Conflict | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by trustambassador

« Previous Entries