Leadership Barometer 5 How People Treat Each Other

July 2, 2019

Here is another quick measure of the skill of a leader.

How People Treat Each Other

You can tell the caliber of a leader instantly when you view how people in the organization treat each other.

A good leader insists on constructive and helpful behaviors that model high trust and even affection.

Some people believe the word affection is too strong for the working world. I disagree. Groups that work for a great leader learn to really appreciate each other for their good qualities.

Affection does not mean that everyone always gets along with no quarrels; that would be a phony environment.

Just like a family, people will eventually find some things that cause friction, but there is sincere affection behind any tension that shows trough as people work to resolve differences without doing emotional damage.

At home, people can irritate each other while still embracing a mutual love that transcends the petty annoyances. The same concept should apply at work.

Left to their own devices, people working in close proximity to each other have a remarkable ability to drive each other crazy. Great leaders teach their people the skill of disagreeing without being disagreeable. This vital skill is often overlooked in organizations.

Where leadership is weak, squabbles between people lead to childish behaviors that can cause permanent damage to relationships. It is easy to witness this in most organizations.

As Lou Holtz observed, “you can find a thousand things to not like about somebody but you need to look for the things that you do like, that support the team effort.” In an environment of support and affection is is easy to become a close knit team that is hard to beat.

Great leaders insist that their group generates a set of specific behaviors. It is important to be able to point at these things and call each other when the behaviors are not being modeled.

The leader always works to model the behaviors and actually verbalizes them frequently. It may sound like this, “Thanks for your comment Frank, I appreciate how your words supported Mary’s effort because that is a value and behavior we cherish in our group.”

Here is an example of a list of behaviors from a team I managed several decades ago.

Team Behaviors:

  • When in conflict, we will try to see from the other person’s perspective
  • We will not leave our meetings with “silent no’s”
  • We will act like adults
  • We will build an environment of trust

I am not suggesting that other groups adopt this set of behaviors. Rather, I am encouraging leaders to work with their group to identify some key behaviors they intend to follow and will hold each other accountable for following. The team must own the behaviors, and it is a leadership function to ensure that happens.

Watch for the signs of a group that, while there are differences, handle those disconnects in a mature and loving way. A group like that is being guided by an excellent leader.

Bob Whipple is CEO of Leadergrow Inc., a company dedicated to growing leaders. He speaks and conducts seminars on building trust in organizations. He can be reached at bwhipple@leadergrow.com or 585-392-7763.


Body Language 32 – Using Volume

June 15, 2019

Volume is a type of body language that we often overlook, but it can be really important.

Actually, our natural instincts take us in the wrong direction, so it is important to grasp and internalize this information.

It is human nature that when a person is upset or otherwise agitated, the volume goes up. In the extreme, a person may be literally shouting at another person.

The irony is that if you really want to be heard, it is better to have a very low volume than a blustery overtone.

Professional speakers know that when they have something really important to share, they get maximum attention when they lower rather than raise the volume. Of course, the level of volume needs to be mindful of those who have difficulty hearing.

Speakers who bellow on and on lose the attention of the audience because it seems like every word is critical. I recall one speaker I heard once who put maximum energy into every word or phrase. He was actually a very boring speaker, and I checked out mentally about halfway through his talk.

To be a successful speaker requires compelling content with delivery appropriate to the audience and the ability to shift to meet their needs. Great speakers constantly read the body language of participants in order to determine if they are fully engaged in the content.

The best pattern of volume is to have a variety not only in intensity but in cadence. Slow down your pace, lower the volume and people will pay the most attention. However, be aware that overuse of this technique can be as annoying as just shouting all the time.

These tips for public speaking also work remarkably well when interfacing with an individual. If you and the other person are shouting at each other and talking over the other person’s points, there is actually very little communication going on. It is easy to break the tension and get your points heard by going low and slow.

The same thing happens when parents rant at their children in a loud voice explaining why it is important to not run with scissors. The problem is that the kid is internalizing only what a tyrant the parent is. There is not much teaching going on.

By toning the volume down to a loving and gentle tone, the child will be much more alert to the message and may even follow the rule next time.

You can try this technique in any setting and make much more progress than pushing back against the other person.

The next time a cop pulls you over for speeding, rather than give the officer a piece of your mind about how late you are and how other cars were whizzing by you, try a soft and humble approach. You just might find it’s more effective.

A similar technique worked for me last summer when I was pulled over for doing 46 mph in a 30 mph zone. It was just as I was entering a small town, and the officer was parked just beyond a little rise blocking my view so there was no time to slow down once I saw him.

By engaging the officer in conversation that my destination was a nearby camp that I attended when I was a boy and that I was not familiar with the speed patterns in his town and must have missed the sign, he let me off with a warning.

He might have attended that famous camp as well when he was a boy. By lowering my volume, the officer listened to my request.

It is human nature to raise our voice when we are upset. Since we communicate with people constantly: in a family setting, at work, or even when making a presentation, the success of getting our message across is a function of many factors, including our volume. If we think about the alternative to raising our voice, life can be a lot more pleasant for us and for others around us as well.

This is a part in a series of articles on “Body Language.” The entire series can be viewed on https://www.leadergrow.com/articles/categories/35-body-language or on this blog.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPLP, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust. He is the author of four books: 1.TheTrust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals (2003), 2. Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online (2006), 3. Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind (2009), and 4. Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change (2014). In addition, he has authored over 600 articles and videos on various topics in leadership and trust. Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. For more information, or to bring Bob in to speak at your next event, contact him at http://www.Leadergrow.com, bwhipple@leadergrow.com or 585.392.7763