Successful Supervisor Holiday – To Socialize or Not

December 24, 2017

I am often asked if it is a good or bad idea for a supervisor to socialize with subordinates outside of work. There are a lot of tradeoffs, and this is a complex question. I break down the variables in this article.

Some Tips and Guidelines

It is often a quandary for leaders at all levels to know whether or not to socialize with workers at events on holidays or after work. Here are some tips that may help the decision process:

1. It is Situational

There are times where it is expected for a supervisor to participate and there are other situations where it could be a mistake to socialize. You need to use good judgment and follow some consistent pattern.

2. Follow Corporate Guidelines

Often the corporate policy on socializing has some guidance for certain types of events. If you are not familiar with the rules in your organization, check with Human Resources.

3. Test Comfort Level

The most important consideration is whether the employees, and you, are all comfortable with your attendance. If several people (including you) have some reservations, it is better to take a rain check.

4. Be Consistent

If you decide to attend certain types of functions, like for example birthday parties offsite, you need to do the same for everyone when schedules permit. If you attend a party for one person but not another, you will appear to be playing favorites.

5. Discuss the Topic

It would be a good idea to have an open discussion at work about this subject to get an idea how most people feel about it before establishing your pattern.

6. Avoid Alcohol

If alcohol is involved, you need to especially wary of accepting drinks. I remember one supervisor who became totally drunk at an event because his underlings kept buying him cocktails. It was a very bad scene.

7. No Physical Contact (except handshakes)

Unless you have a very friendly group, it is best to avoid any activity that involves physical contact, like dancing for instance. You can quickly get into a compromised position quite innocently. In some groups hugging is the accepted behavior, but it is best to avoid all physical contact unless you are personal friends with the person.

8. Follow the Local Convention

Take notice of the habits of other leaders that you respect in your organization. If they refrain from attending social events, then you are wise to be especially conservative.

9. One Location Only

Try to avoid parties that start out in a public restaurant but migrate to another location. If you find an instance where the party breaks off to a person’s house, it is best to leave the event at that point.

10. Don’t Gamble

Do not participate in any kind of gambling when out with employees, just as you should refrain from these activities at work. This includes any kind of betting on the outcome of sporting events.

11. Do Not Drive People Home

Do not volunteer to take intoxicated employees home. Contact a ride share service or get them a taxi cab.

Limit Your Risk

The above tips are some general precepts that may help you think about the issue more deeply. Here are a few suggestions of how to limit your risk:

1. Don’t Stay for the Whole Party

Consider making a brief appearance near the start of the event, but not participate in the entire thing. This allows you to show respect for everyone, but avoids a lot of jeopardy. Watch the body language carefully to see if people are offended at your leaving early. If so, stay longer, but leave as soon as you reasonably can. The risk grows exponentially as the party carries on into the night.

2. Show Your Concern

The best place to put limits on your outside socializing is when you are at work. Show your concern by your body language and hesitation if you think you might be getting into a compromising situation.

3. You are Still On Duty

Remember that even though you are physically “off duty,” your relationships with the people who work for you are still very much “on duty.” Things that you say or do at a party can have significant impacts on how your operation runs the next day and also on your level of control.

Socializing with people who work for you can be helpful or it can lead to all kinds of problems. Approach these situations with a great deal of care. Whenever there is a doubt, always take the most conservative posture.

This is a part in a series of articles on “Successful Supervision.” The entire series can be viewed on or on this blog.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPLP, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust. He is the author of four books: 1.The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals (2003), 2. Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online (2006), 3. Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind (2009), and 4. Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change (2014). In addition, he has authored over 500 articles and videos on various topics in leadership and trust. Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. For more information, or to bring Bob in to speak at your next event, contact him at, or 585.392.7763

Stop Enabling Problem Employees

November 7, 2010

In any organization, there are situations where supervisors accommodate problem employees rather than confront them. Ignoring wrong actions models a laissez faire attitude on problem solving and enforcing rules. It also enables the perpetrator to continue the wrong behavior. In a typical scenario, the problem festers under the surface for months, even years. Ultimately escalation of the issue reaches a tipping point when something simply must be done. By this time, the problems are so horrendous they are many times more difficult to tackle.

A common example is when workers stretch break times from the standard 20 minutes to more than 30 minutes actually sitting in the break room. The total duration is more like 45 minutes from the time work stops until it resumes. The supervisor does not want to appear to be a “by the book” manager, so the problem is ignored every day. When things get too far out of control, the unfortunate supervisor is forced to play the bad guy, and everyone suffers a major loss in morale.

I once worked in a unit where one person suffered from acute alcoholism. His abusive behavior was enabled because his supervisor did not dare confront him. Finally the situation became intolerable. When they called him in to confront the facts, he had been out of control for 15 years. His reaction to the manager was, “What took you guys so long?” Following months of treatment, he became sober and was able to go on with his life as a positive contributor. Unfortunately, he was old enough by that time to retire; the organization had acted too late to gain much benefit from his recovery. The problem was clear, yet for years nothing was done.

In every organization, there are situations like this (not just health issues – tardiness, too many smoke breaks, or abusing the internet are typical examples). Leaders often ignore the problem, hoping it will go away. The advice here is to remember the comment made by my friend, “What took you guys so long?” and intervene when the problems are less acute and the damage is minor. In his case, that would have been a blessing; the man died a few months after retiring.

Taking strong action requires courage that many leaders simply do not have. They rationalize the situation with logic like:

• Maybe the problem will correct itself if I just leave it alone.
• Perhaps I will be moved sometime soon, and the next person can deal with this.
• Confronting the issue would be so traumatic that it would do more harm than good.
• We have already found viable workaround measures, so why rock the boat now?
• We have bigger problems than this. Exposing this situation would be a distraction from our critical work.

The real dilemma is knowing the exact moment to intervene and how to do it in a way that preserves trust with the individual and the group. Once you let someone get away with a violation, it becomes harder to enforce a rule the next time. The art of supervision is knowing how to make judgments that people interpret as fair, equitable, and sensitive. The best time to intervene is when the issue first arises. As a supervisor, you need to make the rules known and follow them yourself with few and only well-justified exceptions. It is not possible to treat everyone always the same, but you must enforce the rules consistently in a way that people recognize is both appropriate and disciplined.

Be alert for the following symptoms in your area of control. If you observe these, chances are you are enabling problem employees.

• Recognition that you are working around a “problem”
• Accusations that you are “playing favorites”
• Individuals claiming they do not understand documented policies
• Backroom discussions of how to handle a person who is out of control
• Denial or downplaying an issue that is well known in the area
• Fear of retaliation or sabotage if rules are enforced
• Cliques forming to protect certain individuals
• Pranks or horseplay perpetrated on some individuals

These are just a few signals that someone is being enabled and that you need to step up to the responsibility of being the enforcer.

Sometimes supervisors inherit an undisciplined situation from a previous weak leader. It can be a challenge to get people to follow rules they have habitually ignored. One idea is to get the group together and review company policy or simply ask what the rules are in this organization. Often people do not know the policies, or pretend they do not know, because the application of rules has been eclectic. This void gives you a perfect opportunity to restate or recast the rules to start fresh. It can be done as a group exercise to improve buy-in. When people have a hand in creating the rules, they tend to remember and follow them better. If you are not a new leader but are in a situation where abuse has crept in, using this technique and taking responsible action can help you regain control and credibility.

The reward for making the tough calls is that people throughout the organization will respect you. Problems will be handled early when they are easier to correct. The downside of procrastinating on enforcement is that you appear weak, and people will continually push the boundaries.