Leadership Barometer 129 Hold Yourself Accountable

January 19, 2022

Several managers I know are fond of saying “we have to hold our people accountable.”

I think the process of making sure people need to step up to responsibility is a good one, but the concept really needs to start at the top.  Unfortunately, I see many top leaders failing to hold themselves accountable first.

Typical Example

Let’s envision a plant manager who has a problem of extremely low morale within the team.  Roughly one-third of the organization is working remotely due to a pandemic. The production workers are upset with all the safety mandates and having to wear cumbersome masks. They are tired of the abuse and being kept in the dark about future conditions. 

Productivity is at an all-time low, and the only way to take costs out is to reduce the workforce, so job security is in doubt. People are scared.  If you were that manager, how would you go about engineering a rapid turnaround in the performance of your plant?

Look At Yourself in a Mirror

One interesting strategy is to push your chair back from the desk, stand up, walk down the hall, go in the bathroom, look in the mirror, and ask yourself some tough questions like the following:

Tough Questions

  • Morale is terrible in this plant, and as the manager in charge, how have I been contributing to this problem?
  • What is keeping me back from fully holding myself accountable for this awful situation?
  • When I call people at home to see how they are doing, might they interpret it as checking up on them?
  • In what ways have I been trying to lay the blame on the supervisors, employees, the pandemic, bad economy, supply chain issues, business downturn, competition, etc.
  • How can I deal with the current situations and the business environment in a more empowering and effective way for all concerned?
  • What fundamental changes in the structure, behaviors, values, and vision am I going to make to completely change the environment?
  • What behaviors do I need to change, starting right now, to build a culture of higher trust?
  • In what ways can I change the attitudes of the workers by changing my own attitudes and behaviors?
  • Since bonuses, or picnics, or parties, or hat days are not going to have much impact on long-term motivation, how can I find out what really will inspire people and then implement the proper changes to the environment?
  • How can I be a better mentor for my supervisors as well as train them to be better mentors to their own staff?
  • How am I going to find a way to double the time I have available to communicate with people?
  • Do I need assistance to solve these issues? If so, what kind of help could I use and where can I find it?
  • How can I know if or when it is time to pursue other opportunities and let someone with a different skill set handle the turnaround?

Step Up to Your Accountability

Yes, that is tough medicine, and yet I believe if top leaders internalized these cold realities, conditions might start to change. Once top leaders step up to their own accountability, then the rest of the organization will quickly become enrolled in a new and positive vision for the enterprise. Positive change starts at the top.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPLP, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

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Reducing Conflict 24 Don’t Talk Behind People’s Backs

January 17, 2022

A common way of creating conflict in an organization is to gossip about other people behind their backs.  No matter how you try to keep the bad-mouthing discreet, the information is eventually going to leak around the edges, and you will suffer a loss of trust.  

It is easy to observe small cliques generating rumors about other groups in order to gain positional power over them.  The dynamic is in play nearly every day in many organizations, and the price of such foolishness is huge. What if we could create an environment of high trust such that people would not play games with each other?

The cure

To prevent the inevitable conflict, make it your business to have high integrity and not work to undermine others behind their backs. I think it is helpful if a group gets together and established a group expectation that we will not spread rumors about each other.

That rule gives people permission to exit any conversation that seems to be heading in the direction of low integrity. People can simply stop the action by saying, “I am not interested in discussions that include speculation about other people.”

Why People Gossip

I believe that some people are inclined to gossip more than others. Sometimes it may be out of personal insecurity themselves. In addition, some people try to gain status or power by being a person “in the know.” The interesting phenomenon is that the person may be doing it to gain power when the end result is the exact opposite.

When people in the group recognize you as someone who spreads gossip about others, your power goes DOWN dramatically.  The reason is that people will be wary about what you might be telling others about them. If your intention was to amplify your own power, you are actually achieving the opposite.

Make Integrity a Value

By having a group value of high integrity, you can obtain consensus that we only speak in support of each other.  If something seems like it is not right, we will take it up with the other person directly. That is modeling a value of integrity that cuts through all the game-playing so people can begin to trust one another.

Leaders need to show the way by not allowing marginal discussions in their own sphere and insisting that others in the organization model the same behavior.  By doing so, you cut off the problem before it starts to undermine the morale of the group.

Free Video

Here is a 3-minute video that contains more information on how to create a culture where people don’t talk behind other people’s backs.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of four books: 1.The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals (2003), 2. Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online (2006), 3. Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind (2009), and 4. Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change (2014). In addition, he has authored over 1000 articles and videos on various topics in leadership and trust. Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations.

 

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Mastering Mentoring 24 Recap

January 15, 2022

It is helpful occasionally to recap the topics covered and check if the information shared is being used well. There can be several reasons why the protégé may not be using the information that was shared. I will share a few of the reasons and give an example for each one below.

The Protégé Did Not Understand

The protégé may have heard the words used to describe a skill or technique but not internalized them to the extent he could apply the technique when given the opportunity.

Suppose the skill was to avoid micromanaging people.  The protégé knows what micromanagement is but is not sure how to avoid it when the timing is critical and people are not doing things right. 

The Protégé is Not Comfortable From a Style Perspective

The mentor may advocate that, for small mistakes, it is better to let the employee fail and learn from the mistake than to intervene and save the employee from messing up. The coaching is to follow up after the event and underscore what was learned by the mistake. 

The protégé may feel it is cruel to intentionally lay back and let the employee do it wrong then try to translate the failure into a learning experience.

The protégé may feel that an employee can learn just as much from preventing an impending problem than from failing. In addition, he can elicit gratitude from the employee that the protégé did not let him become embarrassed by a mistake.

The Protégé May Not Agree With the Skill Being Taught

There may be a difference of opinion on how or when to employ a specific tactic.  Suppose the mentor believes that strategic timing of the delivery of information can prevent some small issues from blossoming into major problems.

For example, there may be a projected need to reduce the size of the workforce later in the year. The mentor advises waiting until the month of layoffs to disclose the information to the entire population. The rationale is to reduce the potential for sabotage.

The protégé has a different interpretation of transparency that advocates letting people know of significant disruptions as soon as they are known. That course of action allows the employees more time to make adjustments to the new conditions.

Conclusion

These are just a few of the issues that can come up in a mentoring relationship. Having a recap discussion on occasion, allows both parties to assess how well the lessons are being applied. It may also point out some areas where the protégé can argue for a different view from what the mentor was advocating. 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

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Building Higher Trust 54 Trust Versus CYA

January 14, 2022

We are all familiar with the phenomenon of playing CYA at work. There is the potential for something negative happening in the future and we take care to document the problem and give our recommended solution to it. 

We put the information in an email that we send out to a manager involved in making decisions.  The idea is that if the dreaded situation comes up at a later date, we can produce the email and say, “I told them that this would happen and even suggested the fix, but nobody listened to me.”

CYA Lowers Trust

This is just one form of CYA activity, and I offer it as an example to illustrate why this form of one-upmanship hurts an organization because it lowers trust.  It is one thing to say what “they should do” about a potential problem.

Words are cheap, and one can speculate that we should spend $100K to provide additional reinforcement to the foundation of our building in case of a future earthquake. Putting that information in a note to the manager puts her in a difficult spot.

Clearly, we do not have $100K lying around with no purpose so we can just shell out the cash.  The risk of an earthquake may be pretty low, but it can always happen.

The reason the CYA note lowers trust is because the manager realizes if she does not take the suggested action and there is an earthquake that results in several workers being killed, then she is going to be blamed, but if she does reinforce the walls and there is no earthquake, the money will be spent only for insurance. 

The manager is in a no-win situation, and that lowers trust in both directions. The manager has less trust in the worker because he is trying to entrap or usurp the leader’s judgment.  The worker has lower trust in the manager because there is a perceived need to document the suggested remedy for future reference.

Real-Life Example

I have been in a situation where workers wanted me to purchase an entire new facility for close to $1Million because they believed the current one might someday fail.  My response was to have the facility thoroughly inspected to determine if there was a real risk and how high that might be. 

The engineers came back that the risk was real, but I could test for the robustness of the facility each year, and that would detect if things were deteriorating beyond a safe level.

Having that inspection was better than nothing, but it was not totally foolproof, so the workers wanted to just scrap the old facility and purchase a new one. That expense was difficult to justify because the product made there was near the end of its life, so a new facility would never pay off.

Caught between a rock and hard place, I asked the workers to understand that the minute risk was manageable with the yearly inspection and they need not worry. If anything ever happened in that facility, I knew I would be held accountable, so I tried to find another way to reduce the risk.

The engineers said that if we slowed down the equipment it would probably never fail or if it did, the failure would be detectable so nobody would suffer. I decided to run the operation at a reduced speed as a compromise position, but the workers were not happy with it.

The series of discussions, notes, and meetings did serve to lower the trust that the workers had in me. Their point was that if I truly cared for them as people, I would spend the $950K to upgrade the facility even though there was no economic payback for it. 

It turned out that we shut down the complex less than a year later because the volume of demand for the product decreased, but the reduction in trust was something I had to endure.

The antidote for this phenomenon is to listen to the whistleblower and not ignore the request. That was my approach in this case, but it was not an easy pathway to a decision.

Trying to figure out what to do in a marginal case like this is what keeps managers up all night. Finding the right balance between trust in the system and protection from all forms of potential problems can be a very tricky area for managers.

Spending money to prevent any potential for disaster is a never-ending proposition. It is like buying insurance policies.  You are never fully protected from all hazards, but you can go broke trying.

Best Approach

The best approach is to involve the impacted people in all aspects of the business, including protection from possible but highly unlikely scenarios.  If the workers realize that any tradeoffs made in the operation have a direct impact on them as well as the business, they can become part of the process to make decisions.  This usually increases the level of trust for two reasons: 1) it improves transparency, and 2) it lets people be part of the process so they are aware their managers care about them.

Bob Whipple is CEO of Leadergrow, Inc. an organization dedicated to growing leaders. Website www.leadergrow.com   BLOG www.thetrustambassador.com He is author of the following books: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals,  Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind

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Leadership Barometer 128 Great Resignation

January 12, 2022

The Great Resignation of 2021 is a stunning example of how organizations without great cultures can suffer mortal damage due to employees leaving.

Turnover has always been a big problem for organizations, but in the face of unrest due to the pandemic, the problem has escalated to be life-threatening to numerous organizations.

Many businesses have been forced to close simply because they cannot find enough people to do the work.

One recent estimate is that about 50% of workers are unhappy and plan to move within the next year.  That would mean a dramatic rise in turnover costs and a significant shift of the best talent from organizations with poor practices to those with stronger reputations.

How can we fight this needless drain? Here are seven key factors that can help you reduce turnover in your organization:

Employee Value Proposition

The EVP factor takes all things into account and tries to measure the total value an employee experiences from the first moment he contacts an organization until well after he has left it.  It is axiomatic that if the EVP of working at Company X is lower than what the person can obtain elsewhere, the employee will leave.

Supervision

When people decide to leave an organization, it is most often the result of dissatisfaction with their direct supervisor. The most important thing to improve is the quality of leadership at all levels. Teaching supervisors and managers how to create the right culture makes a huge difference in turnover.

Unfortunately, when money is tight, the first thing that gets cut is training.

Improving leadership at all levels needs to be a continual investment, not a one-time event when someone gets promoted to a supervisory role. Supervisors who are well trained recognize their primary function is to create a culture where people are engaged in the work and want the organization to succeed. These people rarely leave because they are happy where they are.

Compensation

Pay is often cited as a reason for people leaving an organization. Pay may be a factor in some cases, but it is often just an excuse. What is really happening is that the work environment is intolerable, so the remuneration for the grief endured is not a good tradeoff. 

We need to teach managers to improve the trust level within the organization.  High trust organizations can pay workers non-inflated wages and still have excellent retention rates. There are numerous examples of this. One of them is Zappos, where they have such a great culture, that when they offer employees $2000 to leave, they do not take it.

In Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, Dan Pink points out that the relationship between pay and motivation is not what most people think. 

He cites several studies that show a pattern where higher pay actually can lead to poorer performance. Pink advocates paying people enough so that the issue of money is off the table. Then, three other conditions, Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose, will take over as the key drivers to satisfaction and motivation, and therefore, retention. 

A Better Future

Another key factor that causes people to leave is lack of a path forward. Employees who can visualize some pathway to a better future will generally stick around to experience it.  Training and development are key enablers for people to know there is a brighter future.

Cross-training is a particularly helpful way to have employees feel they are being developed to be more important to their organization. Cross-training also helps make the work environment more interesting.

Onboarding

In a time of high turmoil in the workforce, onboarding takes on a much more important significance. Most organizations do a poor job of onboarding new employees.  They are so busy trying to survive that new people are shoved to the front lines early and often without a good orientation. The first few weeks of a new employee’s tenure are the most significant factor that either result in a long and productive tenure or a hasty exit.

A Family Atmosphere

If you read about the culture of the top companies worldwide, there are many common themes. One of these is that employees describe their work associates as their extended family. They cherish the relationships with their co-workers. Sure, there will be some squabbles and an occasional lecherous uncle, but the overarching atmosphere is one of a nurturing and caring group of people similar to a family. Who would want to leave that environment?

Freedom

Enabling people to do their own work without being micromanaged is a characteristic of organizations that are good at retaining people. Nothing is more irritating than being ordered to do things in a certain way by a condescending boss who does not really understand the process as well as you do. The ability to use one’s own initiative and creativity to get the job done right helps build self-esteem, which is a key ingredient in the retention of people.

Recognition

Knowing that someone cares about you and recognizes your efforts and accomplishments goes a long way toward building employee loyalty. A loyal employee is not out there looking for another position. Instead, he or she is thinking about how the organization’s success can be enhanced through even more effort. The collective muscle of thousands of employees who each feel that way is amazing to behold.

Safety

Many organizations live on the edge of impending disaster. The competitive world has forced legions of companies to downsize on a regular basis simply to survive.  When employees witness the revolving door that occurs as a result of things they cannot control, you can’t blame them for wanting to find a safer mode of transport through their career.

There are three levels of safety involved in the equation.  Physical Safety is always a factor, especially if the organization is lax about procedures and personal protective equipment.

Psychological Safety refers to the freedom to express one’s self without having to fear retribution.

Emotional Safety is the feeling that things will work out in the end and the employee will be whole.

Conclusion

These nine factors are not an exhaustive list, but I contend that groups who focus on these conditions and understand the dynamics will have consistently lower turnover rates, saving millions of dollars each year or even just staying in business. That advantage is sustainable and scalable. It just requires leaders at the top who are skillful and relentless at applying these principles.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPLP, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

 

 

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Reducing Conflict 23 Extend More Trust

January 10, 2022

If you are a leader and you want to see more trust within your group, your first order of business is to find ways to extend more trust. 

Many leaders fail to recognize this basic law of trust, and they picture their employees as being not trustworthy.  The reality is that the vast majority of people will act in a trustworthy manner if they are well led.

Leaders who fail to extend trust because their people are “not trustworthy” need to take a long hard look in the mirror to view the source of their problem.

I have witnessed numerous managers who beat on their people and have little faith in their capabilities. The employees habitually respond by lowering their performance to match their leader’s expectations.

Trust is reciprocal, so if you want to experience more trust within your group, you need to find ways to show more trust in them. 

Some Examples

If you cannot yet trust a professional colleague to handle a large and critical negotiation with another organization, perhaps you can trust her to assemble and present the relevant documentation for more experienced lawyers to use in the negotiation.

If you cannot trust your teenage son to drive the car to a late-night party, perhaps you can trust him to check in with you if he needs help and to complete his homework before he leaves.

If you cannot yet trust a newly-hired mechanic to rebuild a complex transmission, perhaps you can trust him to assist in the disassembly and cleaning of the parts.

Show the tendency to trust more

By showing an inclination to trust other people to the edge of their capability you will encourage them to trust you back and be motivated to gain more skills for the future. They will almost always rise to meet your expectations.

Do not extend blind trust way beyond the current capability of the individual. That approach would be setting him up for failure. If there is a failure along the way, don’t persecute the individual, instead consider it a learning opportunity for the person.

We all learned to walk and talk by trial and error. We fell on our backside enough times to figure out how to balance our huge mass on two tiny feet.  When you think about the skill of walking upright, it really is a miracle we can do it, yet we just take it for granted in most cases.

Give people the blessing of learning by trial and error.  In the case of walking, coach them gently on how to obtain better balance.  Don’t yell at them for falling down. Praise them for getting back up and trying again. 

Free Video

Here is a 3-minute video that contains more information on how to extend more trust.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cIw_lY58QM

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of four books: 1.The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals (2003), 2. Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online (2006), 3. Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind (2009), and 4. Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change (2014). In addition, he has authored over 1000 articles and videos on various topics in leadership and trust. Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations.

 

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Leadership for Managers Course Wins BEST Award for Talent Development in Central New York

January 7, 2022

I am proud to share that the course I have been teaching at the Greater Rochester Chamber of Commerce has won the BEST Talent Development Award from the Central New York Chapter of the Association for Talent Development. 

The course is for leaders at all levels, plus aspiring leaders.  It is experiential and now delivered virtually, so it is easy to attend without travel. The next cohort begins on February 4th.

For more information, go to https://my.greaterrochesterchamber.com/calendar/details/leadership-for-managers-february-march-2022-500598   

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Building Higher Trust 53 Use the Word

January 6, 2022

One way to help build the trust between you and another person is to occasionally use the word. Look for opportunities in the normal conversations to insert the word “trust” and it can be helpful, provided the practice is not overdone.

In this brief article, I will share a few examples of how the technique can be helpful if done well.  I will also share how the concept will backfire if it is overdone.

Dealing With a Teenager

Suppose you have a daughter who is going to a party. You have heard rumors of drinking at other parties in this crowd. Since your daughter is underage, you remind her of the responsibility not to drink.  You might say, “I hope you have a good time with your friends, and I know that I can trust you to refrain from drinking because you will be showing a good example.”

Situation at Work

Due to a pandemic, employees are working from home where there is no way to verify if they are putting in the hours they are being paid for.  As a supervisor, you might say, “I am not going to hound you about the hours worked because I know that I can trust you to do what is right.  You may not be working eight consecutive hours because of family interruptions, but I know you will put in a full shift by the end of the day.”

At the Market

You have a complex order that involves several computations to figure out how much you need to pay.  The person figures out the bill and hands it to you. You get out your wallet and hand over the cash without reading the details. The person says, “Aren’t you going to ask me about whether I applied all of the discounts correctly?”  You say, “I know you and I trust you. I have been doing business here for several years.”

Overdone

The caution in this technique is to avoid overdoing it.  Suppose you have been pulled over for speeding. You have no idea exactly how fast you were going because your mind was elsewhere. You thought that you were moving in accord with the rest of the traffic.

You tell the officer, “I am not sure how fast I was going, but I trust that your radar device is properly calibrated.” When the officer asks you for your license and registration you say, “Here they are, and I am trusting that this is the standard procedure in a case like this.”

Later in the exchange, you might say, “Thank you, Officer, for doing your duty, I have great faith and trust in our law enforcement officers, and I trust that you will always do the right thing.”

Conclusion

Using the word trust in everyday conversation can be helpful at deepening the relationship between you and another person.  Use it sparingly when appropriate, and it can be a helpful practice in your life.

Bob Whipple is CEO of Leadergrow, Inc. an organization dedicated to growing leaders. Website www.leadergrow.com   BLOG www.thetrustambassador.com He is author of the following books: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals,  Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind

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Leadership Barometer 127 Situational EQ

January 5, 2022

Emotional Intelligence (also called EQ) is your ability to understand emotions and your skill at using that insight to manage yourself and your relations with other people. 

A high EQ is a prerequisite for good leadership because Emotional Intelligence governs the ability to work well with people.

Many people view EQ as a static quantity within each person, similar to IQ. In reality, EQ is a dynamic quantity that changes and grows as we gain life experiences.

EQ is Never Static

I participated in an online discussion while teaching a graduate course several years ago that highlighted the dynamic aspects of EQ.  I was asking students to rate their current level of EQ.

One person got back that he was strong in EQ, but because of his military background, that skill was not as developed as it might have been. 

He believes EQ is less important in the military because of the command and control nature of the service. People expect to be ordered around and do not take umbrage at the drill sergeant for yelling. That same behavior in the corporate world would cause instant revolt. 

EQ is Situational

EQ is really situational; it morphs depending on the current circumstances and prevailing culture. That is actually good news because it means we have some control over our level of EQ and are not stuck with our current level forever.

Real Examples

Suppose a man who had spent most of his adult life as a mediator for contract negotiations in the corporate world decided to change and become a Jesuit priest. Would his perspective on the emotions of other people change with that transformation? In Rochester, New York, Rev. Edward Salmon made that exact conversion.

Salmon admits that in many ways running a local Catholic High School is similar to corporate work, but the whole framework of challenging the youth to be all they can be takes a much deeper skill of listening and sensitivity.

As we go through life, our skill at using Emotional Intelligence becomes developed and changes with each new situation.  For example, the EQ skills required to convince an ornery teenager to do his homework are not the same as those required to coach a 99-year-old blind man to remain optimistic when confined to a nursing home.

Some of the psychological thoughts would be similar, and the values might be roughly the same, like following the Golden Rule, but the emotional framework in the two environments is vastly different. A different set of tools is required to succeed in each of these situations.

Cultural Differences

I suspect the skill of EQ and how to apply it would be different in unique cultures around the world. For example, one’s behaviors toward other people in England might be totally different than that person would show if he or she was brought up in Japan. The cultural differences would drive unique opportunities and challenges.

Gender Differences

We know that there is a big difference between how men and women experience Emotional Intelligence.  In “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,”  John Gray describes the gender paradigm differences that cause men and women to deal with emotions in totally different ways.

For example, women will consult with other women to analyze and resolve problems, while men would rather retreat to their “cave” to deal with difficulties.

It is widely believed that the Corpus Callosum in the female brain is larger than the same organ in a male.

The Corpus Callosum is the “highway” in the brain that connects the right side (limbic, or emotional system) to the left side (rational brain). That allows women to process emotions into logical thought much faster and easier than men.

Conclusion

Your background, skill set, and even gender, along with the environment you experience will determine how you employ Emotional Intelligence in a way that is unique to you. That application of EQ will morph as you go through life in ways that nobody else on the planet can experience.

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPLP, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 

 

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Reducing Conflict 22 Care for Other People

January 3, 2022

The most potent way to reduce conflict within any group is to get the people to genuinely care for each other. It is so obvious, we sometimes forget.

There are always going to be stress points between people. That is a fact of life, but when people have the ability to rise above the petty annoyances and truly care for other people, the conflict has a short lifespan.

It’s pretty hard to stay mad at a person who just brought you a chocolate chip cookie as a surprise. Sometimes a soothing and gentle word is enough to change the vector of some inter-group squabbles.

Important concepts

I learned a lesson early in my career that stuck with me.  When you extend kindness when it is not expected, it has double the power. When you surprise someone with a gracious gesture, it really goes a long way.

Remember your body language

Another thing to remember is that it does not take tangible gifts to turn a sour situation sweet.  What you say is critical, and how you say it is even more important. 

Keep in mind that we extract more meaning from body language and tone of voice than the actual words that are being used.

If you are feeling anger toward another person, it will show all over your body.  When there is conflict, get into a happier state of mind before trying to patch things up.

Notes can help

Often a note that has the right flavor will reduce conflict between people. Imagine you and Mike had an argument on how to accomplish a tricky step on a project. You decided to go with Mike’s approach. 

Now imagine you wrote a note to Mike’s manager telling her how Mike’s contribution was pivotal in allowing a successful conclusion to the project.  You copy Mike on the note.  He is going to appreciate the gesture and may even send a note of thanks back to you.

Remember to praise in writing when possible. If there is some constructive criticism, keep that verbal because verbal input has a half-life. Notes remain forever.

Find Special Ways to Demonstrate That You Care

There are an infinite number of ways you can show another person you care about her.  One word of caution: make sure your gestures are genuine and not an act. When you put on a phony show of affection it can do more damage than you might think.

The other person will write you off as a jerk and your attempt to calm the situation will have backfired.

Free Video

Here is a 3-minute video that contains more information on how to care for other people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xW0SQ8xE598

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of four books: 1.The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals (2003), 2. Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online (2006), 3. Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind (2009), and 4. Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change (2014). In addition, he has authored over 1000 articles and videos on various topics in leadership and trust. Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations.

 

 

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