Mastering Mentoring 25 Explain Why

January 22, 2022

If you are a mentor, your primary role is to help the protégé grow by discussing techniques of leadership and explaining why these methods are effective.

It helps to remember that primary role because you have the opportunity to not only show the way but to explain why the method you are demonstrating works for you.

Real Example

Suppose you are in a staff meeting and your protégé is attending. The meeting is running kind of long, and one manager speaks up that the group seems to be mulling over the same ground several times. 

As leader of the meeting you respectfully thank the individual for bringing up the frustration and ask the rest of the group to show by a thumbs up or thumbs down if they feel the current discussion is wasting time.

The quickie vote allows you to test the feelings of the entire group without having a long discussion about it. That way you do not make the problem worse.

Later that day you enhance the learning by discussing with your protégé why you took that approach. Each individual has a unique perspective on what is going on.

It could be that the individual who complained was the only one in the room that felt things were moving too slowly. Alternatively, most of the other managers might agree with the complaint. 

It was important to compliment the complainer and thank him before asking the opinions of the rest of the group.  An individual should never feel punished for sharing his perspective. 

By first being gracious, you upheld trust with the vocal individual while making it possible to test the wishes of the group.

Base Behaviors on Team Values

You should also point out that one of the team values is that we show respect for one another. By allowing anyone in the group to speak out when he or she feels something is not going well and praising that action, you are modeling the value of respect, so that also enhances the trust as well. 

What you are doing is demonstrating to the protégé that the team values will always be followed. When you take an action that models a value, take the time to explain it consciously to the protégé so he gets the idea of how it looks in real life. 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 24 Recap

January 15, 2022

It is helpful occasionally to recap the topics covered and check if the information shared is being used well. There can be several reasons why the protégé may not be using the information that was shared. I will share a few of the reasons and give an example for each one below.

The Protégé Did Not Understand

The protégé may have heard the words used to describe a skill or technique but not internalized them to the extent he could apply the technique when given the opportunity.

Suppose the skill was to avoid micromanaging people.  The protégé knows what micromanagement is but is not sure how to avoid it when the timing is critical and people are not doing things right. 

The Protégé is Not Comfortable From a Style Perspective

The mentor may advocate that, for small mistakes, it is better to let the employee fail and learn from the mistake than to intervene and save the employee from messing up. The coaching is to follow up after the event and underscore what was learned by the mistake. 

The protégé may feel it is cruel to intentionally lay back and let the employee do it wrong then try to translate the failure into a learning experience.

The protégé may feel that an employee can learn just as much from preventing an impending problem than from failing. In addition, he can elicit gratitude from the employee that the protégé did not let him become embarrassed by a mistake.

The Protégé May Not Agree With the Skill Being Taught

There may be a difference of opinion on how or when to employ a specific tactic.  Suppose the mentor believes that strategic timing of the delivery of information can prevent some small issues from blossoming into major problems.

For example, there may be a projected need to reduce the size of the workforce later in the year. The mentor advises waiting until the month of layoffs to disclose the information to the entire population. The rationale is to reduce the potential for sabotage.

The protégé has a different interpretation of transparency that advocates letting people know of significant disruptions as soon as they are known. That course of action allows the employees more time to make adjustments to the new conditions.

Conclusion

These are just a few of the issues that can come up in a mentoring relationship. Having a recap discussion on occasion, allows both parties to assess how well the lessons are being applied. It may also point out some areas where the protégé can argue for a different view from what the mentor was advocating. 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 23 Keep a Journal

December 18, 2021

It is a good idea to keep a simple journal of the decisions and topics covered in a mentor relationship. Many mentor relationships endure for several years.  I had a mentor who worked with me for 25 years.

A lot of change happens on a daily and weekly basis, so it is helpful to be able to reference things that happened in the past and document any key learnings.  The journal itself does not need to be detailed or a burden; just a few notes along the way will serve as memory joggers.

See the Progress

It is also important to view the progress that resulted from the relationship. Having a record of the things that have come about as a result of the relationship demonstrates the vitality and progress that have transpired. It provides the reinforcement necessary to keep the effort going.

Who Takes the Notes?

Depending on the relationship and topics covered, it may be advantageous for both parties to keep some notes in their own words.  The alternative is to have one party document the discussions, or you might try alternating between the two people with just one document as the master.

Evidence of Return

The other advantage of a journal is that it gives tangible evidence of the investment being made. You may be able to estimate the number of hours spent in coaching sessions over the course of a year. That would be helpful information to show the return on investment of time for both people.

Template for Other Relationships

You can also view the list as a check sheet for other mentor relationships.  Having the various topics documented will enhance other relationships because you will not forget what issues were covered. That does not mean each relationship will be the same thing, but it does give a good starting point.

The document should be viewable to both parties at any time. It should not be considered a private listing of topics and issues.

Conclusion

Having a mentoring relationship well documented has several advantages. It is worth the small effort along the way to keep track of the discussions. 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 22 Embrace Diversity

December 11, 2021

Some people have asked me if it is a good idea to mix genders or other elements of diversity in a mentoring relationship. It is common that most pairings of mentors and proteges involve people with similar characteristics, but I think that approach leaves a whole lot of richness off the table.

Think of it this way: every person is unique. The thing that makes us similar is that we are all human beings and we are all in the process of learning and growing. The mentoring process is all about getting to know the other person in depth in order to help that person along.  It makes no difference if the people are of different genders, different religions, different races, different sexual preference, different nationalities, or different anything.  

My Own Experience

I have had numerous mentor relationships over several decades, and I honestly do not see any substantive difference between working with a male or a female. I have also mentored several people from a different race or sexual orientation from me. It is not important to have the physical attributes match. What is important is that there is a desire to get to know the other individual as a person and be of assistance helping that person move forward.

I think it is an advantage working with someone quite different from me because it gives me the opportunity to experience how a person from another background is experiencing life and a career.  If I only mentored people like me, I would miss all that richness and learning.

In really great mentoring relationships, it is sometimes hard to tell which person is the mentor and which one is the protégé.  It is easy to see the ball being passed back and forth from one person to the other, even within a specific discussion. I have a friend who is close to me in terms of age. I think we both play the role of mentor at different times.  It is just a natural relationship that has great value to both of us.

Conclusion

Do not think of mentoring in terms of matching up people with similar characteristics. Rather, pair people together who truly like and respect each other. Let the demographic differences add an additional type of value to the relationship. Always seek to contribute as well as absorb information and ideas. A good mentor relationship is always bi-directional. 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 21 Upside Down

December 4, 2021

I think it is a good policy to have some of the mentor discussions be upside down. Granted, most of the time the flow of information will be from the mentor to the protégé. That’s because usually, the mentor is the person with more experience. 

For a small percentage of the time, mix things up and have some fun by turning the discussion upside down. That gives the protégé a way to experience what it is like to mentor another person, and should also provide some personal satisfaction.

From time to time, I think it is healthy for the mentor to say, “For our next meeting, would you be comfortable reversing the roles and have you teach me some things? There are ways that you can help me too.”  The protégé may feel inadequate to impart any specific wisdom on the surface. Looking deeper, there are a lot of ways a mentor can and should learn from the protégé.

Example

Let’s suppose in this case we have a mentor who is 55 years old and is an accomplished leader. The protégé is a 25 year old with a lot of potential.  The discussions will naturally be the mentor sharing experiences from the past (good or bad) and highlighting what was learned in these situations.

The protégé might feel shy about taking the lead on a discussion, but there is a lot to be gained by doing it. The protégé may see that the mentor is calcified in certain areas where there is potential for new growth.  The mentor does not see the same opportunities as the protégé does.

Perhaps the mentor had good outcomes by reacting in a certain way when faced with a potential risk. That becomes the “safe” approach to the mentor because it has worked for him for years. The protégé might suggest trying a more radical path to deal with impending risk that has the potential for breakthrough solutions that are far more productive than the mentor would likely experience. 

Conclusion

Mixing things up in this way will also provide the opportunity for some levity and light discovery of new thinking patterns for both people. A mentor relationship should not always be heavy with content that is serious. The ability to keep things fresh and interesting will serve to enhance the value of the relationship in both directions.

 

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 20 Shortage

November 27, 2021

I make the observation that there are not enough great leaders in the world, not due to a shortage of good candidates, but because of a shortage of great mentors. Leading organizations is a daunting task for most leaders primarily because they fail to build a culture of trust.

The Relationship Between Trust and the Shortage of Mentors

Most leaders I know are consumed trying to optimize the organization’s performance in a very complex time. Challenges come in a steady stream, and leaders are faced with solving problems continuously.  They have no discretionary time to devote to mentoring the next class of leaders.  The situation seems to get worse with time.

Since the leaders have a difficult time letting go of their main responsibilities, they do not delegate as much as they might, so the problems and issues all fall into their lap. By trusting the workforce more, they have the opportunity to delegate more tasks to others and thus free up some time to help mentor great leaders for the next generation.

The Solution is Obvious

If leaders would carve out about 15% of their time to work with people in their organization to build a culture of higher trust, the whole dynamic would shift from one of extreme pressure to a more reasonable work atmosphere where mentoring is actually possible. In an environment like that, leadership becomes a blast rather than a chore. The environment for everyone becomes more enjoyable, and many people grow in their ability to lead.

It is extremely difficult to convince most CEOs to carve out 15% of the time to work on culture; they are just too busy solving problems. The organization becomes like a whirlpool sinking deeper and deeper into a situation where some workers just resign or check out mentally. Of course, that makes the whole problem more acute.

Summary

As I observe leaders, I see the brilliant ones have figured out that, despite the frantic pace of business problems, they have a mandate to grow the next generation of leaders. They invest calendar time to that function, and over time, things start getting better.

The number one time-burner for any CEO is the inability of people in the organization to get along and work well together. By building a culture of higher trust, people do get along much better. There are fewer problems to be resolved, so that also frees up time for the CEO to do more mentoring.  

These leaders feel free to delegate more to their employees, which is also a way to develop their skills for the future. The culture improves for everyone. The pathway is there for the taking. It is too bad few CEOs recognize the way out of their current pain.

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 19 Share Libraries

November 20, 2021

Sharing libraries in both directions is a really helpful way to gain from a mentoring relationship. Somewhere early in the relationship, each party should share which books, tapes, videos, podcasts, etc. have been most helpful and why.

If the mentor or protégé has certain materials that have been highly influential in his or her past, it would be great information for the other person to experience as well.

In my case, I have a list of the most influential books I have read in my career, and I have color-coded the list so that the most useful ones are easily seen. I also have my own video material available on Youtube for free, so people can browse my library of content with ease.

My website, www.leadergrow.com  has an index of most of the articles I have ever written, and my blog www.thetrustambassador.com has most of them as well.  The idea is to be willing to share content openly rather than trying to horde the most valuable information.

The only limitation to the philosophy is the amount of time the other person has to browse through your content.  That is why it is important to make things as easy to find as possible.  Let me share an example:

One area where I have done a lot of research is body language. I ended up writing a series of 100 articles on various aspects of body language.  Few people would have the time or patience to read through all 100 articles, so in the final article, I provided an index that contains the titles of all 100 articles. This way, an individual can scan the titles and quickly pick out items of highest interest. 

I did the same thing with two video series.  I did one on Building Higher Trust and another on Reducing Conflict. Each video series has 30 videos of just three minutes each, so people can look at the most important concepts.  I have followed up with a blog series that describes the key learning from each video along with a link to it.

Each original series was intended to be watched one day at a time for 30 days.  In that way, the material is metered out over a long enough period for the material to sink in deeply.

Summary

The point is to make your body of knowledge (both your own and influential writings from others) available to the other half of your mentoring relationship.  In doing that you will be contributing volumes of useful information to the other person.

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 18 Mentoring Magic

November 13, 2021

If you do not have at least one active mentor, you are missing a lot. In my experience, having a strong mentor at work made a huge difference in my career. Even in my ripening old age, I am still gaining benefits from the lessons and ideas planted in me by my mentor when I was younger.

Likewise, I have had the pleasure of mentoring many worthy individuals along their path to success. I found that activity to be the most rewarding experience in my life. Seeing a person whom I have mentored rise to a level higher than me in the organization was well worth the effort.

There are obvious benefits of having a mentor in an organization

  1. A mentor helps you learn the ropes faster.
  2. A mentor coaches you on what to do and especially what to avoid.
  3. A mentor is an advocate for you in different circles than yours.
  4. A mentor cleans up after you have made a mistake and helps protect your reputation.
  5. A mentor pushes you when you need pushing and praises you when you need it.
  6. A mentor brings wisdom born of mistakes made in the past so you can avoid them.
  7. A mentor operates as a sounding board for ideas and methods.

Formal programs and precautions

Many organizations have some form of mentoring program.  I support the idea of fostering mentors, but the typical application has a low hit rate long term. That is because the mentor programs in most organizations are procedural rather than organic.

A typical mentor program couples younger professionals with more experienced managers after some sort of computerized matching process. The relationship starts out being helpful for both people, but after a few months, it degrades into a burdensome commitment of time and energy. This aspect is accentuated if there are paperwork requirements or other check-box activities. After about six months, the activities are small remnants of the envisioned program.

The more productive programs seek to educate professionals on the benefits of having a mentor and encourage people to find their own match. This strategy works much better because the chemistry is right from the start, and both parties immediately see the huge gains being made by both people.  It is a mutually-supported organic system rather than an activities-based approach. It is pretty obvious how the protégé benefits in a mentor relationship, but how does the mentor gain from it?

Mentors gain significantly in the following ways

  1. The mentor focuses on helping the protégé, which is personally satisfying.
  2. The mentor can gain information from a different level of the organization that may not be readily available by any other means.
  3. The mentor helps find information and resources for the protégé, so there is some important learning going on. The best way to learn something is to teach it to someone else.
  4. While pushing the protégé forward in the organization, the mentor has the ability to return some favors owed to other managers.
  5. The mentor gains a reputation for nurturing people and can thus attract better people over time.
  6. The mentor can enhance his or her legacy in the organization by creating a protege.

Summary

Encourage a strong mentoring program in your organization, but steer clear of the mechanical match game and the busywork of an overdone process. Let people recognize the benefits and figure out their optimal relationships. 

Every professional should have at least one mentor and at least one person whom he or she is mentoring. Personally, I am comfortable having a couple mentors and roughly 10 protégés at any point in time. There are also many relationships in my life where it is hard to tell which person is the mentor because both people are gaining roughly equally.

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 17 Expand Networks

October 30, 2021

It is important for each participant in a mentoring relationship to seek to expand the networks of the other person. Do not make the mistake of picturing the relationship as a one-on-one situation.

Each person knows numerous other people who might be helpful to the other. Spend some time going over your particular network of friends and associates.  Sit with the other party and go over your list to identify which people might be most helpful.

Make introductions

Once you have put a priority on the various individuals, take the opportunity to make some introductions. I usually use email for these brief introductions. Since I operate mostly as a mentor due to my many years of leading, I write to my friends about the protégé I am working with and give enough background so that person can relate to why I think they should meet. 

I copy the protégé on the note so that each person has the address of the other.  Usually, they both respond and figure out when and how they can meet.  I back off and let nature take its course. 

Include influential people whom you follow but have not met 

I also introduce my protégé to the authors I follow in social networking.  There are several people whom I monitor and converse with on LinkedIn and other media networks. I leave it up to the protégé to subscribe to that person’s material or not. 

Pursue the reverse situation as well 

I also seek to find out who the protégé knows and ask for introductions. The process works well in both directions. The only precaution is to watch the volume of network contacts you are trying to manage at one time.  If you find that the networking effort takes up so much time and energy that your overall balance is impacted, then you should check your priorities. It is easy to get so excited with meeting new people that you forget some other duties or put them on the back burner.

Conclusion

We are all seeking to expand our networks so we gain the advantage of broader reach and new ideas to pursue.  The mentor/protégé relationship is built on mutual trust and respect, so both parties are in a position to be incredibly helpful as a super-networker.

 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations. 


Mastering Mentoring 16 Use Stories

October 23, 2021

A simple and highly effective method of conveying lessons learned is for the mentor to share true stories from the past. As we go through life, we all learn from our experiences. Sharing a good story is not only an entertaining way to convey a point, but it leaves a more lasting impression because it conveys truth.

One important thing to do is emphasize the lesson learned at the end of the story. If this step is omitted, the entertainment factor will still be there, but the connection to apply the learning may be weak.

I will share an example of a story I tell in all my leadership classes. It was a lesson I learned very early in my career about the importance of having a great culture. Here is the story.

The Sleepy Employee

Early in my career, I was working as an Assistant Department Head in a manufacturing organization.  One day I was walking down a hallway with the Department Head, who was my manager at the time. I pointed to an inspector who had his head down and was sleeping on the job. 

I said, “See that inspector? He is worthless! He has no initiative and is just a slug here at work.  We are putting him on Final Warning and plan to fire him next week.”

The Wake-Up Call for Me 

My manager squared up in front of me and said in a low voice, “You know, you are right Bob. Here at the plant, that guy is just about worthless. He is always goofing off or doing inappropriate things.  I don’t blame you for wanting to fire him because he is a nothing here.

But I am the Fire Chief at the Volunteer Fire Department, and that young man happens to be a member of that Fire Department.

You should see what that guy is like when he walks through the door of that Fire Department. He is a ball of energy, he comes up with great ideas, he volunteers for extra work, he stays late to help clean up. He is a real ball of fire when he is in that culture. So, you tell me, Bob, who is the problem, is it him or is it you?”

Lesson Learned 

The moral is that when you put people in a culture where they are challenged and treated well, almost all of them will perform like superstars.

Searing the Point Into the Brain 

If you made that last statement in a vacuum, it might have some impact, but when prefaced by that true story, it makes a much stronger and memorable point.

Why it Works 

People can relate to the story and get caught up in the narrative. When you get to the punchline of the lesson learned, it is jolting enough that people internalize the key message.

If you are in a leadership position and are not satisfied with the performance of your team, rather than blame the people for not being good enough. Instead, look into a mirror, and ask yourself who is the real problem here. 

Bob Whipple, MBA, CPTD, is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and author in the areas of leadership and trust.  He is the author of: The Trust Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, Leading with Trust is Like Sailing Downwind, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change.  Bob has many years as a senior executive with a Fortune 500 Company and with non-profit organizations.