Have you ever had the thought that you were okay but other people needed to change?

Most people have a rather long list of things that other individuals must do to improve. They have a rather short list of things they need to change in their own behavior.

It is human nature to excuse our own shortcomings while focusing on the improvement needs of others. The world is full of almost perfect people who wish the other people around them would shape up. Hmmm… something is wrong with this picture. What makes you okay but others not so much? Here are a dozen tips that can change the pattern for you.

1. Reverse the Roles.

The other day a student was venting about a particular individual who was a major challenge at work. The student described in gory detail several things the other person did that drove him up the wall.

I asked him to write an analysis about himself from the perspective of that other person. In other words, what would the other person tell me about him if he had the chance. It may be startling.

2. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.

Most married couples fight over the little things that become habitual annoyances. The position of the toilet seat is a great example. Let go of the little things that do not matter.

3. Live and Let Live.

If a cubicle mate hums when she is happy, it is no reason to have a coronary over it. This is her outlet and way to be cheerful. Focus energy on creating your own sphere of cheerfulness rather than trying to change her.

4. Punch Out Early, Don’t Punch Out the Person.

If someone is bothering you, just go for a little vacation in your mind. Imagine smelling the giant pines if you love to hike. Feel the frost on your cheeks if you like to ski. Imagining happier places has kept many POWs alive for years. The same technique can keep you sane until 5 o’clock.

5. Share a treat.

If someone is not okay in your opinion, bring him in a bag of his favorite flavor of coffee. By extending kindness, you will get kindness in return. Usually, people know what they do that drives us crazy. Change your body language rather than keep festering about “their problem.” Learn to accentuate the positive.

6. Extend Trust.

Trust is reciprocal. You can improve another person’s trust in you by extending more trust to him or her. When you build up a higher account balance of trust, the petty issues seem to melt away. You are focused on what is good about the other person rather than idiosyncrasies that drive you bonkers.

7. Don’t Complain About Others Behind Their Back.

Speak well of other people as much as possible. The old adage “if you cannot say something nice about someone don’t say anything” is really good advice.
Never make a joke about another person at his or her expense.

8. Stop Acting Like Children.

People who are disagreeing often take steps that are similar to a food fight in grade school. Escalating e-mail notes is a great example of this phenomenon. I call them e-grenade battles. It is easy to avoid these squabbles if you simply do not take the bait.

9. Care About the Other Person.

If you really care enough to not sweat the small stuff, then you can tolerate inconveniences a lot better. What you get back from others is really a reflection of the vibes you put out yourself.

10. Picture the other person as the most important person in your life.

Life is short and to expend energy griping about others really wastes your most precious resource – your time. How much better it is to go through life laughing and loving than griping and hating.

11. Have your own personal development plan.

Start out each day with some ideas on how you want to present yourself better to other people. Have a list of areas where you are trying to be more okay. This healthy mindset starves the rotten attitudes that can lead you to undermine the actions of others.

12. Follow the Golden Rule.

Finally, the famous Golden Rule is the most positive way to prevent petty issues from becoming relationship destroyers.

Take the time to figure out how you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed. You will usually make the right choice for building and preserving great relationships.

The preceding information was adapted from the book Leading with Trust is like Sailing Downwind, by Robert Whipple. It is available on http://www.leadergrow.com.

Robert Whipple is also the author of The TRUST Factor: Advanced Leadership for Professionals, Understanding E-Body Language: Building Trust Online, and Trust in Transition: Navigating Organizational Change. Bob consults and speaks on these and other leadership topics. He is CEO of Leadergrow Inc. a company dedicated to growing leaders.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 7th, 2024 at 6:35 pm and is filed under Building Higher Trust. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.