Business Integrity

January 26, 2011

This article describes my interaction with two local business entities to illustrate how customer service experiences with contractors on the same job can vary greatly. I had an occasion to hire a chimney sweep this year and had vastly different experiences with two different organizations.

My masonry chimney was glazed with many years of creosote buildup, so I called in a “reputable chimney sweep.” The owner told me that it would cost a lot more than just a regular cleaning because they would need to use a special rotary chain technique to chip off the buildup. The guy came and looked at my configuration. He said I would need to have it cleaned, then the chimney would need to be lined with a stainless steel liner, and finally I would need to purchase a new woodstove, which he would be happy to sell me and install. The estimate came to over $5,000. He used scare tactics indicating we would have to get it done eventually to be up to code, and he did not mention that we might get help from our homeowner’s insurance.

That kind of sticker shock along with his high pressure approach sent me looking for a second opinion! I came across an outfit called Mr. Sweep – Monroe. The owner discussed my problem on the phone and gave me an estimate to do the rotary cleaning. He also said he could line the chimney, if necessary. His price was more reasonable than the first outfit, so, after checking with the BBB, I set up an appointment.

Bob and his assistant, Mark, arrived mid afternoon on a Saturday. They went right to work, after closing the chimney damper so all the soot would not spill into the house. Bob went up the fully-extended 40-foot ladder, removed my chimney cap, and started cleaning with the rotary chain device. It was a very cold day, and they were outside for over an hour, working from the top.

Mark shared with me that he had many vertebra fused in several operations, and his neck was held together with stainless steel screws. He was particularly susceptible to cold and suffered for days if he got too much exposure. Mark came in to vacuum up the ashes from the bottom. There was so much debris that he could not get the damper to open. He and Bob worked for 4 hours, vacuuming the particles through a small slit next to the damper until they could finally get it open. The job ended up being many times the effort than was estimated. Much of the work was out in the cold, yet they charged me the estimated cost at the end.

Bob told me that my chimney tiles were cracked from a recent chimney fire, and I would need to have a liner put in. He gave me an estimate of $2,175 to bring my chimney back up to code and make it safe – less than half what the other guy wanted. He said because the damage was due to a recent chimney fire, my home owner’s insurance should cover the liner. I would only have to pay my $250 deductable. A total of $250 sounded much better than $5000. I was thrilled! We made a date to install the liner for the following week.

Bob and Mark arrived on schedule and proceeded to unroll the massive flexible stainless steel pipe. Bob immediately noticed that there was a kink in the pipe caused by rough handling by the shipper. He just did not think it was right to install a kinked pipe, even though many chimney sweeps do it, so he got on the phone and ordered another one to be shipped out that same day. Two days later, they were back to install the second pipe. This one was in good shape.

Bob and Mark set out some special insulation to wrap around the pipe for better performance. Bob shared that many sweeps do not insulate the pipe because there is one interpretation of the code that makes it unclear whether insulation is required or not. Bob said that he refuses to install a liner that is not insulated, but he said over half of the sweeps manage to slide by without insulation. That lowers their cost and makes the installation much easier, but it is not a quality job.

The afternoon they picked was even worse weather than the first day, but Bob knew I wanted to use my stove on a very cold weekend, so on an 18-degree Friday with lots of snow and 25 mile per hour winds, Bob and Mark went up the 40-foot ladder carrying the heavy and bulky pipe to line my chimney. Bob had to carry the pipe out onto the snowy roof balanced on the peak and leaning into the wind while Mark worked to stuff the pipe down the chimney. Bob had to arch the pipe upward while balancing on the snowy rooftop in the wind (the pipe looked rather like the shape of a fishing pole when you have a big one on the line) so it was nearly vertical at the top of the chimney. I was petrified, but he seemed to take it in stride, even though the wind chill was -25 degrees F.

They got the pipe in and got down safely, much to my relief. Then they went inside to hook up the pipe to the stove. This process was significantly more complex than they had estimated it would be due to the configuration of my chimney, but they stayed with it until the job was done. Mark, with his bad neck, went up to install the cap on top of the chimney, alone in the howling wind. It was brutal.

They finished the job, charged me the original estimate, cleaned up every bit of their mess, and left to go soak in the tub. As they drove out, I thought about the entire experience. These days we are so used to shoddy work and contractors trying to take advantage of customers.

With Mr. Sweep, there were many opportunities for them to take the easier way out, but they adhered to a customer-focused approach, and absolutely did not skimp on the quality, even though the weather was awful and they made less per hour than expected. I was really impressed with their work and service that was evident with both Bob and Mark. Their actions and attitude of service rather than sale made me trust them as business people displaying high integrity. They communicated with me throughout the process, so I understood the logic of what they were doing and why.

You can bet I will be going with them any time I need service in the future. If you ever need chimney service from a company with high integrity, I suggest you call Mr. Sweep! If you do not have a chimney, but are a local business person, consider these individuals as role models for what great customer service is all about.


Honor Received Yesterday

January 14, 2011

Yesterday I received a news release that I have been named one of the Top 100 Thought Leaders in the country on Trustworthy Business Behavior by the “Trust Across America” Organization.

This is an honor because the selection process was a two year analysis that included numerous candidates from all types of organizations. If you want to know more about the group, just go to www.trustacrossamerica.com

They have an excellent radio program on trust every Wednesday at noon on Voice America hosted by Jordan Kimmel.  I was honored to be the guest host of that show in September.

Trust Across America  also has a listing of the top 10 organizations in the country in terms of establishing and maintaining trust.


Leader First Impressions

December 5, 2010

When you are transferred or assume command of a new unit, what happens in the first few hours, or first few minutes, will determine your success for at least the first year of your tenure. Reason: People form an opinion of you very quickly (first impression), and that vision stays with them until supplanted by ideas from events that play out over time.

Malcolm Gladwell, in his book, Blink demonstrated how human beings have an uncanny ability to size up another person in an instant. The level of trust that will prevail during the entire first year is usually set before the first week of an assignment is completed. It is crucial to get off on the right foot with people. Unfortunately, many leaders come into a new assignment with the wrong attitude, and the impressions they make mean a rocky start.

Here are seven things that can help you get off on the right foot in any new position.

1. Assume things are more right than wrong

It is a mistake to come into a new job with the attitude that everything is messed up. Unless you are taking over a failed unit that is in free fall, it is wise to remain calm initially and seek to understand the strengths and good performance that already exists. The best advice is to keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut in terms of pronouncements early on. Seek to learn, appreciate, and reinforce for the first week or so.

2. Establish rapport one on one

Meet with each employee in the new unit privately to chat about his or her role and generally get to know the individual as a person. Be sure to put the person at ease with your demeanor, and indicate you have no hidden agenda other than just getting to know the individual. This will begin to form some trust between you and the person. Asking questions about the employee’s family and hobbies demonstrates that you care enough to get to know that person. Sharing some of your own stories also tends to form a basis for trust. Many new supervisors like to ask what the employee would like to see him or her do and not do. This simple question often brings out issues that have been lurking in the culture before the new leader arrived.

3. Build trust as early as possible

When meeting a new person, the basis for trust to start forming lies in the answer to 5 basic questions. I call these things “a handful of trust.” As a leader:

1. Are you Competent?
2. Do you have good Character?
3. Are you Consistent?
4. Are you Cordial?
5. Do you Care about the other person?

When you chat with new employees, keep these 5 things in mind and work to answer all 5 of them as positively and quickly as you can.

4. Avoid pushing ideas from your former job

It is a good idea to refrain from bringing up the excellent policies in your prior position. Many new leaders make the mistake of saying, “In my last job we used to do this or that.” It undermines the will of the people in the new unit. Individuals do not want to hear what went on in the boss’ prior position a dozen times a day. It wears thin very quickly.

There is an antidote to this common problem. When I would promote or move a manager, I would ask him or her to refer to the prior job only one time in public. Once that chit was played, I suggested the new leader refrain from other references for at least 2 months. This gave the new leader the opportunity to appreciate the good things that were being done in the new area before giving a lot of suggestions for them to be more like his old area. The people never knew the difference; they just seemed to like the new manager quite a lot.

5. Observe the informal organization and cliques

The culture of an organization is heavily influenced by the chemistry between individuals. You need to be alert to the “informal power structure” because that is operating in tandem with the formal organization. It is imperative to know who the informal leaders are, and begin a process to gain their trust. Often the sub-culture is extremely powerful, and it is often negative.

Work slowly and carefully before taking any action with a clique of individuals. Ultimately, you can make great strides working with the informal leaders, but only after you have developed some credibility and trust.

6. Practice management by wandering around extensively until you are a known quantity

Many new leaders make the mistake of sequestering themselves in strategic meetings early on. This labels them as suspect and less transparent. Be open and out there for people to interface with daily. Extra time devoted to this activity, even if it means extra working hours for a while, pays off huge dividends.

7. Check your body language

Let people know you are truly happy to be there. Smile! Make sure all of your body language reflects that of an appreciative and interested leader who is sincere about getting to know the ropes before making important decisions.

Do these seven things during your first weeks of a new assignment, and you will be on your way to a great tenure as a leader of the group. If you remember one thing from this article, remember this; it is the first blink of an impression that makes the most difference to your future.


The 30-second e-mail

December 1, 2010

You know how it feels. You are grazing your bloated inbox, and you see the name, Sam Jones. You cringe. Having waded through his prior tomes, you know that opening this e-mail will tie you up for at least 15 minutes trying to get the message. Sam writes really l-o-n-g notes and rarely uses paragraph breaks. He does not capitalize the start of sentences, so his writing is hard to decode. You pause, and pass the note because there is just not enough time to deal with the hassle.

Don’t be a Sam Jones! Follow these seven simple rules, and people will appreciate your e-mail communications.

1. Make it easy on the reader. Have a well formatted and short note that deals with a single topic in compressed format. Don’t ramble!

2. Don’t go “over the horizon.” Try to have the majority of your notes fit into the first window of a note. Reason: when the reader can see the start of your signature block on the bottom of the opening window, he knows that is all there is to the note. That is a psychological lift that puts the reader in a better frame of mind to absorb your meaning. When the text goes beyond the first page (over the horizon), the reader has no way to know how long your note is. This is a psychological burden that frustrates the reader subconsciously.

3. Aim for 15 to 30 seconds. Try to have the e-mail compressed enough that it can be internalized in a half minute at the maximum. It will be remembered much more than one that takes 5 minutes to read.

4. Use bullet points. Short, punchy bullets are easier to read than long complex sentences.

5. Highlight expected actions. Delineate action items in a way that is not offensive. Do not use all caps. Sometimes bold text works, but I find it best to have a separate line like this:

       Action: Please get me your draft report by Friday.

6. Be polite. Start with a friendly greeting and end with respect but not long or trite quotations.

7. Sometimes the Subject can be the whole note. In this case use EOM (End Of Message) to designate there is no note to open at all. It looks like this:

       Subject: The Binford celebration is Wednesday 3 pm. EOM

If you follow these simple seven rules, people will pay more attention to your e-mails, and you will improve the hit rate of your communications. Not all notes can follow all of these rules, but if the majority of yours do, you will be greatly appreciated.


Stop Enabling Problem Employees

November 7, 2010

In any organization, there are situations where supervisors accommodate problem employees rather than confront them. Ignoring wrong actions models a laissez faire attitude on problem solving and enforcing rules. It also enables the perpetrator to continue the wrong behavior. In a typical scenario, the problem festers under the surface for months, even years. Ultimately escalation of the issue reaches a tipping point when something simply must be done. By this time, the problems are so horrendous they are many times more difficult to tackle.

A common example is when workers stretch break times from the standard 20 minutes to more than 30 minutes actually sitting in the break room. The total duration is more like 45 minutes from the time work stops until it resumes. The supervisor does not want to appear to be a “by the book” manager, so the problem is ignored every day. When things get too far out of control, the unfortunate supervisor is forced to play the bad guy, and everyone suffers a major loss in morale.

I once worked in a unit where one person suffered from acute alcoholism. His abusive behavior was enabled because his supervisor did not dare confront him. Finally the situation became intolerable. When they called him in to confront the facts, he had been out of control for 15 years. His reaction to the manager was, “What took you guys so long?” Following months of treatment, he became sober and was able to go on with his life as a positive contributor. Unfortunately, he was old enough by that time to retire; the organization had acted too late to gain much benefit from his recovery. The problem was clear, yet for years nothing was done.

In every organization, there are situations like this (not just health issues – tardiness, too many smoke breaks, or abusing the internet are typical examples). Leaders often ignore the problem, hoping it will go away. The advice here is to remember the comment made by my friend, “What took you guys so long?” and intervene when the problems are less acute and the damage is minor. In his case, that would have been a blessing; the man died a few months after retiring.

Taking strong action requires courage that many leaders simply do not have. They rationalize the situation with logic like:

• Maybe the problem will correct itself if I just leave it alone.
• Perhaps I will be moved sometime soon, and the next person can deal with this.
• Confronting the issue would be so traumatic that it would do more harm than good.
• We have already found viable workaround measures, so why rock the boat now?
• We have bigger problems than this. Exposing this situation would be a distraction from our critical work.

The real dilemma is knowing the exact moment to intervene and how to do it in a way that preserves trust with the individual and the group. Once you let someone get away with a violation, it becomes harder to enforce a rule the next time. The art of supervision is knowing how to make judgments that people interpret as fair, equitable, and sensitive. The best time to intervene is when the issue first arises. As a supervisor, you need to make the rules known and follow them yourself with few and only well-justified exceptions. It is not possible to treat everyone always the same, but you must enforce the rules consistently in a way that people recognize is both appropriate and disciplined.

Be alert for the following symptoms in your area of control. If you observe these, chances are you are enabling problem employees.

• Recognition that you are working around a “problem”
• Accusations that you are “playing favorites”
• Individuals claiming they do not understand documented policies
• Backroom discussions of how to handle a person who is out of control
• Denial or downplaying an issue that is well known in the area
• Fear of retaliation or sabotage if rules are enforced
• Cliques forming to protect certain individuals
• Pranks or horseplay perpetrated on some individuals

These are just a few signals that someone is being enabled and that you need to step up to the responsibility of being the enforcer.

Sometimes supervisors inherit an undisciplined situation from a previous weak leader. It can be a challenge to get people to follow rules they have habitually ignored. One idea is to get the group together and review company policy or simply ask what the rules are in this organization. Often people do not know the policies, or pretend they do not know, because the application of rules has been eclectic. This void gives you a perfect opportunity to restate or recast the rules to start fresh. It can be done as a group exercise to improve buy-in. When people have a hand in creating the rules, they tend to remember and follow them better. If you are not a new leader but are in a situation where abuse has crept in, using this technique and taking responsible action can help you regain control and credibility.

The reward for making the tough calls is that people throughout the organization will respect you. Problems will be handled early when they are easier to correct. The downside of procrastinating on enforcement is that you appear weak, and people will continually push the boundaries.


Improve Your E-Mail Openings

August 1, 2010

Humans have the ability to synthesize data with incredible precision. In his book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell describes how human beings can form accurate impressions of situations and people based on just a tiny amount of data. Gladwell calls this “thin slicing,” which is the ability to sort out germane factors from a large array of data with lightning speed. Let’s look at the first few words of some example e-mail notes and see how people are likely to react to them.

• “Hi Alan” This is a friendly and neutral salutation that puts the reader in a happy place. Why? You have used the most important word in your reader’s vocabulary. You used his name along with the happy word, “Hi.” After those two words, your reader is subconsciously saying to himself, “This is going to be a nice note.”

• “Alan” Here you use his favorite word again, but without the word “Hi” or “Greetings,” your note starts out on a sober, stern, or businesslike note. Your reader is wondering whether he is going to get chewed out or get a raise.

• “So Alan” This is an alarming opening to an e-mail. The reader will instinctively cringe before even reading the third word. This is going to be rough. Either Alan has previously written something to upset you, or you have a serious question about something he has done.

• No name or greeting. Here you have lost an excellent opportunity to start your note with a polite greeting. Alan will usually not miss it on a conscious level, but he will be wary about the contents of your note until he reads further. Without the name as a courteous salutation, the first couple words will set the tone for better or worse. If you start with “Once again…” you are signaling that Alan is in trouble unless he knows you are thrilled with his most recent performance. At worst this is a trust withdrawal, and at best you have missed the opportunity for a trust deposit.

• “You dummy” There is no mistaking the tone of this greeting. Alan is going to put on his flack jacket before reading this note.

• “Bless you, Alan” This is the kind of note Alan will print out and put on his wall or take home to show his wife.

The words used to begin a note are the first “thin slice” of the tone for the entire e-mail. Make sure you get started on the right track. There is momentum when reading notes. If the reader starts out in a good frame of mind, things go more smoothly. If the opening is abrupt, curt, or is a blatant trust withdrawal, it will take a lot of honey in the rest of the note to make up for it.

It is like the difference between a conventional photograph and a hologram. If you take a photograph and cut out just a tiny piece of it, you will have only the data represented by that piece. If you cut out a tiny piece of a hologram and hold that piece up to the light, you will be able to see the entire image, only with less resolution than the larger hologram. Humans work the same way. If you have an entire note, you can study it and reveal great detail, but people can sense the body language in just a few words. The first few words of an e-mail are especially important.

Let me share an extreme example for clarity.

It is the first day of an online class. None of the students know each other yet. Allison is responding to a question about whether leaders are made or born. Here is a short section of her note:

• Allison writes: “I really do not believe there is any such thing as a natural-born leader. I believe that leadership is an acquired skill and can be improved constantly. When I was seventeen, I was promoted to shift manager. I was not a good leader to say the least.”

Another student (Roger, who has not yet exchanged notes with Allison) replied to her note as follows:

• Roger writes: “Allison wake up!!! How many seventeen-year-old kids are asked to be a manager??”

The note goes on, but for purposes of this illustration, these few words are all that is required. I believe Allison had Roger pegged after the first three words, and probably did not even read the rest of his note. If she did read it, she heavily discounted the information. To her credit, she did not take the bait and fire back a strong rebuttal. She just pretended the note never happened, which is a good strategy in a case like this.

Roger’s note was a blatant example of starting out in a way that completely alienates the other person. Usually the damage is more subtle, but the impact is similar. Here is another example of a note that begins poorly:

• “I really think you should be careful when you write, ‘people like you’ in a note. It tends to peg you as a bigot or someone who likes to put people in boxes.”

The first five words, “I really think you should,” give away the body language before the real content of the message is reached. After the opening phrase, the reader is prepared to get a lecture and reacts accordingly. Here is another version of the same message with a more constructive opening:

• “That was an insightful note. One possible upgrade is to avoid the phrase ‘people like you,’ because some people might find that offensive.”

The reader is more likely to absorb and heed the advice in the second note based on how it starts.


Trust Insights

July 16, 2010

This BLOG entry is a little different from my usual pattern. I normally write an article about some topic that I am passionate about or interview someone else on his or her theories of leadership. This week I am letting someone interview me.

The following exchange was between a graduate student and myself in a class on Transformational Leadership. I thought her questions were excellent and wanted to provide my responses as a means to prime some further discussions in this forum. She wrote four questions about the nature of trust in organizations.

Student: Can the issue of trust be instinctive or factual or it is really a balance of both?

Trust Ambassador: I believe trust is a kind of reciprocal phenomenon. I trust you and you trust me to some degree. The level of trust in one direction is never exactly the same as in reverse, but everything that happens between the individuals causes either a deposit or withdrawal in the trust account (large or small depending on the situation). Trust never stands still – it is transactional in nature, and the transactions are going on thousands of times a day. Body language is a huge part of the equation that most people take for granted. Also, keep in mind that in online communication there is a kind of body language going on that most people are oblivious to. I find it fascinating. The most important information in an e-mail is actually between the lines.

Student: Does one bad apple really spoil the whole bunch?

Trust Ambassador: No, the bunch can work around a bad apple situation and coexist for a long time just fine. That said, a bad apple can be a kind of cancer that secretly undermines trust within a group, and it grows undetected for a long time before being discovered. I have a whole set of technology on how to deal with a bad apple. One caveat: If the bad apple is the leader, then you have a crisis. People cannot work around it effectively because the leader can muck up any attempt to build trust within the organization.

Student: Can we not cut out the bad part and salvage the rest?

Trust Ambassador: Yes – we can cut out and discard the cancer like a tumor. However, brilliant leadership actually converts some of the bad apples into the most vocal proponents of the forces for good in an organization. That is huge progress, and it is quite possible to accomplish.

Student: Can you trust in part and not whole and if so is that real trust?

Trust Ambassador: Yes! Trust is never absolute. There are qualifiers, and trust has numerous compartments that are working simultaneously. It is the sum total of all elements at a particular point in time that determines the balance in the trust account. It does not need to be the same in both directions. For example, I may trust you at 92% out of 100 at the moment, and you trust me only at 79%. Happens all the time.


Do you Lead with Transparency or Power?

June 30, 2010

I am starting to ask some trusted fellow consultants to provide guest articles on my BLOG. Here is an excellent entry from Jonena Relth of TBD Consulting. Jonena is the President and Leadership Evangelist of this firm that specializes in Organization Development and Training. I hope you enjoy this entry as it provides an interesting perspective on conventional wisdom about leadership.    – - -   Bob Whipple

I’ve been watching over the past few years as the topic of leadership continues to be top priority of “healthy” companies.  They are pulling out all the stops to provide every opportunity available to help their leaders improve their skills in this area – and this when so many high-profile leaders have fallen from grace in the recent years.  Instead of shrinking from the topic, these smart companies are pushing it to the forefront.  They know that to succeed, their organizations have to be led by individuals who inherently are worthy of their employees’, customers’ and peers’ trust, and it’s these leaders who will be followed in the days and years to come.

Have you noticed that as a country, we start paying closer attention to what our corporate and political leaders say and do following the failure and/or fall of otherwise respected leaders?  And given the leadership issues today, one would have to ask, “Why would anyone want to be a famous leader?” My vote is for the rush of power!

Power gives us a head trip that makes us “feel” as though we are important and respected by others.  The flip-side however, is that the more power we have, the more responsibility we have, the more headaches and illness that plague us, the more scrutiny we endure, and of course, ultimately less time to spend for ourselves and loved ones.

If one thoroughly understood what would happen should we scrape our way to the top in politics, for instance, only a sadist would want what I call “Power-Leadership” – - but yet it’s the way of our culture to want to gain credibility, fame, fortune.  Unfortunately, getting to the top this way leads to loneliness.  Why do I say loneliness?  Well, how many famous leaders do you know that remain on friendly terms with all their employees, direct reports, bosses, etc.?  Not many I’d guess.

There is another way and it’s a path that leads to a rewarding career leading others.  With leadership comes the responsibility to accept the daunting job that says, “The buck stops here.”  But, it’s the wise leaders that surround themselves with talented people who know more than they do in their particular areas of expertise.  These leaders use transparent leadership to build a self-sustaining, well-run, profitable, nice place to work kind of business.  And, these leaders don’t suffer the pain of “Power-Leadership.”

Women, by nature, tend to flourish in organizations that encourage true transparency and team decision-making.  We are more interested in getting the job done than making the decisions in a vacuum.  Yes, we get a “high” once in a while from being recognized for our leadership, but it’s most rewarding to have our leadership style recognized as the reason our teams are working cohesively and the company is profitable and stable – - meeting the needs of our customers, employees and community.

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned in earlier blogs, I’m no Pollyanna, and I know that the role of leaders is not an easy one.  Transparent leadership takes the courage to openly admit mistakes, the self-esteem to allow others more capable to lead, and the fortitude to pursue your goals while enhancing the goals of others. Transparent leadership sounds like a worthwhile goal to me.  What about you?

If you would like more information on Coaching, Leadership, Training and Organizational Development, please call our office at 602-263-1961.  And while you’re at it, peruse our new website. http://www.tbdconsulting.com  We’ve uploaded lots of information so you can take a “test drive” and find out what makes TBD Consulting tick!  We’ve been around for 20 years and my bet is that we just might have the solution(s) to your most pressing employee performance issues!

Jonena


I’m OK – You’re Not OK

June 6, 2010

I have made an observation after listening to people vent about problem individuals at work or at home. It seems most people have a rather long list of things that other individuals must do to improve but a rather short list of things they need to change in their own behavior. I guess it is human nature to excuse or rationalize one’s own shortcomings while focusing on the obvious improvement needs of others. Since nearly everyone practices this little deception, the world must be rife with almost perfect people who wish the other people around them would shape up. Hmmm – something is wrong with this picture? Here are a dozen tips that can change the pattern for you. Print them out and post them at work. Feel free to add some more concepts if you wish.

Tip #1 – Reverse the Roles.

The other day a student was venting about a particular individual who was a major challenge at work. The student described in gory detail several behavioral things the other person constantly did that drove him up the wall. I asked him to write an analysis about himself from the perspective of that other person. In other words, what would the other person tell me about him if he had the chance. That brought the student up short, and he admitted it would be a rather humbling exercise to do.

Tip #2 – Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.

It is a well known fact that most married couples fight over the little things that become habitual annoyances on a daily basis. The position of the toilet seat is a great example. How come I can never get my wife to leave the toilet seat up? It is not the 401K account that most couples argue about daily, it is who gets the remote control, or why the toothpaste tube is always topless. So, if we can just remember that the small stuff is really just that, then maybe we can relax a bit.

Tip #3 – Live and let Live.

If a cubicle mate hums when she is happy, it is no reason to have a coronary over it. This is her outlet and way to be cheerful. Even though it curdles your skin when it goes on and on, why burst her balloon by pointing out her “problem”? If it is an unconscious habit, she will never be able to control it anyway. Simply buy a pair of noise canceling head phones and play the kind of music you like. Let a happy person be happy or a miserable person be miserable. Focus your energy on creating your own sphere of cheerfulness rather than trying to change the rest of the world.

Tip #4 – Punch Out Early, Don’t Punch Out the Person

Find some way to get away from the petty squabbles before they bring you to the snapping point. If you cannot actually leave without penalty, it does not stop you from mentally checking out. Just go for a little vacation in your mind. Actually imagine smelling the giant pines if you love to hike. Feel the frost on your cheeks if you like to ski. Taste the chocolate chip cookie if you like to eat, or how about a relaxing hot tub while sitting at your desk? Imagining happier places has kept many POWs alive for years; the same technique can keep you sane until 5 o’clock.

Tip #5 – Share a treat

Just because someone drives you nuts by clipping his nails in the morning is no reason to hate him all day long. Find some symbolic olive branch and waive it around. Go get two chocolate bars and give him one. Bring him in a bag of his favorite flavor of coffee. By extending kindness, we get kindness in return. Usually people know what they do that drives us crazy. If we change our body language rather than keep festering about “their problem” and learn to accentuate the positive, then the other person will likely respond in kind.

Tip #6 – Extend Trust

The reciprocal nature of trust says that you can improve another person’s trust in you by extending more trust to him or her. When we build up a higher account balance of trust, the petty issues seem to melt away because we are focused on what is good about the other person rather than idiosyncrasies that drive us bonkers. The best way to increase trust is to reinforce people who are candid with us about our own shortcomings. That takes emotional intelligence to do, but it works wonders at improving relationships.

Tip #7 – Don’t Complain About Others Behind their Back

Speak well of other people as much as possible. The old adage “if you cannot say something nice about someone don’t say anything” is really good advice. When we gripe about others when they are not present, a little of the venom always leaks out to the other person, either directly or indirectly. Never make a joke about another person at his or her expense. I wise old pastor taught me that rule 40 years ago, and it is a great rule. If a person is doing something that really bothers you, simply tell him or her in as kind a way as possible why you find the action irritating.

Tip #8 – Stop Acting Like Children

The lengths people go to in order to strike back at others for annoying them often takes on the air of a food fight in grade school. Escalating e-mail notes are great examples of this phenomenon. I call them e-grenade battles. It is easy to avoid these squabbles if we simply do not take the bait. When you find yourself going back and forth with another person more than three times, it is time to change the mode of communication. Pick up the phone or walk down the hall for a chat.

Tip #9 – Care About the Other Person

If we really do care enough to not get bent out of shape over little things, then we can tolerate inconveniences a lot better. What we get back from others is really a reflection of the vibes we put out ourselves. If we are feeling prickly and negative reactions from others, we need to check our attitude toward them. While it is convenient to blame them, often we are the cause of the negativity: they are simply a mirror.

Tip #10 – Picture the other person as the most important person in your life

If all else fails, try to remember that life is short and to expend energy bickering and griping about others really wastes your most precious resource – your time. How much better it is to go through life laughing and loving than griping and hating. We do have a choice when it comes to the attitudes we show other people. Make sure your choice enriches others as well as yourself.

Tip#11 – Have your own personal development plan

Start out each day with a few minutes of meditation on how you want to present yourself better to your co-workers. Have a list of areas you are trying to improve on. This mindset crowds out some of the rotten attitudes that can lead you to undermine other’s actions all day. Create a list of your personal improvement areas and work on them daily.

Tip #12 – Follow the Golden Rule

Finally, the famous Golden Rule is the most positive way to prevent petty issues from becoming relationship destroyers. By simply taking the time to figure out how you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed, you will usually make the right choice for building and preserving great relationships.


Your Reputation: A Dozen Ways to Protect It

May 17, 2010

Few things in life are as important as your reputation. What people think and say about you when you are not present has everything to do with your level of happiness and success in this world. I think everyone knows this intuitively, yet many of us sometimes behave as if we are not cognizant of that aspect of life.

We can all improve our lot in life if we remain alert to how other people interpret our words and actions. For example, if you are known as the person who is fun to be with and work with, you will have many more opportunities in life than if your reputation is one of a cantankerous individual who is difficult to please and a general pain to be around. If the impact of one’s reputation on the quality of life is so well understood, why is it so easy to get caught up in the moment and do or say things we regret later?

I believe we just forget that there are no time outs in life, and the camera is rolling every minute. That leaves us vulnerable to lapses which are hard to erase later. A damaged reputation takes 3-4 times as much energy to repair than a good one takes to maintain.

Here are some simple ideas that can help preserve your precious reputation. All of these are common sense, but unfortunately for some people they are not common practice. It is wise to remind ourselves of these simple, but profound, rules daily.

1. Follow the Golden Rule. We all learned this simple rule in our youth. I believe it is one of the most tangible ways to demonstrate Emotional Intelligence. There is a flaw in the Golden Rule if you take it literally in every situation because some people may not appreciate being treated as I would like to be treated. I think this is a small point. Someone invented a corollary to the Golden Rule called the Platinum Rule which is, “Treat other people as they would like to be treated.” I have a bigger problem with the Platinum Rule than the Golden Rule because treating people like they would like to be treated in a business environment would mean giving out huge raises, lots of additional vacation, not very much work, and in general be detrimental to the organization. Sticking with the intent of the Golden rule is really just treating people the right way.

2. Be positive. To keep a good reputation, try to have your ratio of positive to negative remarks be as high as possible. You may not even realize when you are coming across as a negative person because the words you use to frame conversation are coming from your own paradigm, so they appear to you as affirmative statements. It is a good idea to test how you are coming across by either listening to yourself on a audio tape or reading some of your own e-mails to identify if you are habitually coming across as a positive or negative person. Believe it or not, it is hard to tell if you have not specifically checked this out. Reason: people with low Emotional Intelligence are the ones with the biggest blind spots.

3. Always do more than your share. It is curious that in most relationships both individuals believe they are constantly going more than half way toward making the relationship be successful. Yet the truth is, it is impossible for both people to consistently give more than their fair share. If you have a reputation for being generous with your time, talent, advice, caring, money, and other resources, people will gravitate toward you instinctively. You will have a reputation of a caring doer rather than a selfish slacker.

4. Admit mistakes. It is impossible to go through life without making numerous mistakes. If you are smart enough to readily admit when you have done something wrong or stupid, you will draw others to you because of your genuine nature. If you are duplicitous and try to duck any shortcomings, you will have the reputation of being phony or just plain dishonest.

5. Be kind. Individuals who have empathy for others gain a reputation for kindness that pays off in reciprocal kindness they receive from others. People do favors for other people they like.

6. Listen more than you speak. If you have the ability to hold your own tongue and sincerely appreciate the input of others, they will share many valuable ideas with you. But if you are always first to talk or a person who is constantly stating opinions as if they are hard facts, people are going to instinctively turn you off. Don’t be a bore.

7. Be humble. Nobody likes a perpetual braggart. Remember that your opinion of yourself is transparent to other people. If you put yourself on a higher pedestal than everyone else, you will have a tough time making and keeping friends in this world.

8. Be reliable. Build a track record of doing what you say you’re going to do. When you follow through with intentions precisely, you gain the stature of one who can be counted upon when things really matter. When circumstances prevent you from meeting commitments, immediately inform the other person of the delay and the new estimated due date.

9. Learn to read body language. The majority of input about how others see us does not come from the words they use when talking with us. It is the tone of voice and body language that are the telltale signs of how that person views us. It is imperative to understand the subtle facial and body position movements that allow you to read the situation and modify your behaviors if you are on thin ice.

10. Offer and ask for assistance often. By showing a willingness to help other people and also a willingness to take advice from others about yourself, you build a collegial relationship with them. By helping others, we are really helping ourselves to a great extent.

11. Operate from a sense of values. Know your own spiritual sense of what is right and follow that beacon in everything you do. It really helps if you have a set of written values for yourself. You can share these with other people, and it will let them know you operate from a solid footing in life.

12. Keep your ear to the ground. Keep attuned for evidence of how other people are viewing you. This means being alert to the subtle cues and learning to read between the lines. If you suspect there is some dirt being spread about you that is unflattering to your reputation, it is up to you to take responsible action to protect that precious element of your life.

These twelve things, when applied daily in your dealings with others, can go a long way to preserving your reputation. There are numerous other things we could add to this list. The point is that your reputation governs how successful and happy you are in the professional world. Guard it carefully using the ideas listed above.


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